Ghosting God, Ghosting Self
Day 128
Continuing on the theme of forgiveness, I want to address a few of the other fears that seem to keep We the People from engaging in asking for it. The fear of being known and the fear of being judged are two fears that we the people have hidden from, just like our ancestors Adam and Eve. God is calling out Ayecha-where are you and because of our fear of being known, being judged, We the People stay hidden, keep divorcing ourselves from the soul that has been placed in us, the person we are created to be, the holiness that abides in our guts. The words that keep rolling around in the heads of many of We the People are: “I can’t let them know who I really am-they will not accept me” and other variations on this theme. What we the people keep forgetting is the other person is thinking the same thing, ergo: no one is real, no one is truly known, no one is being judged in truth nor in righteousness, and no one is really connected.
I believe this is one of the reasons that T’Shuvah is called one of God’s greatest miracles by Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel because it flips the script that society has written about hiding, it flips the script on the actions of Adam, Eve, Jacob, et al in the Bible who hide, it allows We the People to live in wonder, awe, radical amazement because We the People witness the miracle of forgiveness, the miracle of return, the miracle of re-sewing the fabric of our connection to one another, to God, to community in wholeness, in truth, in transparency. And, this is against the “norms” of society. I feel the blood pulsing through my veins as I think about all the ways a practice of asking for forgiveness changes the way we live, the way we think, the things we can no longer accept within ourselves falseness, pettiness, excessive pride, betrayal of self and another, acting presumptuously, violence, negative self-talk, being stiff-necked, etc. Having a forgiveness practice forces We the People to “lift up our eyes and SEE”, what is authentic and what is not, the ways in which we act wittingly and unwittingly to do good or not good, the ideas that we keep cultivating that no longer apply to who we are today, the negative voices of our youth, of the people, well-meaning and not well-meaning, who lied to about us to have power and control.
This forgiveness practice doesn’t let them off the hook! It allows for self-forgiveness, it lets We the People off the hook and ends the tape in our heads that have been on an endless loop seemingly forever. This forgiveness practice also allows for we the people to end our hatred, our antagonism towards the people who were well-meaning and those who were not well-meaning. It is a practice of letting go of resentments and angers that DO NOT SERVE US anymore, if they ever did. This practice of forgiveness allows we the people to keep our side of the street clean, gives us the impetus and knowing of what We the People need to change in the ways we are living. It is a practice of discerning truth from mendacity, facts from fiction/alternative facts, and of no longer allowing the bullies to have their way just because of fear.
The judging of self is a GIFT, the being known for who one truly is, is a BLESSING! Yet, we the people keep being afraid of this gift and this blessing because people will use this against us, people will use our vulnerabilities against another human being for control, power, greed, etc and this is M.Scott Peck’s, author of the Road Less Travelled definition of evil! It is evil to stop the authentic expression of a person and it is this ‘evil’ that We the People have to forgive ourselves for, both the ways we impeded the authentic expression of another(s) and the authentic expression of self. It is also WAY PAST TIME for We the People to embrace Being Known and Being Judged for our good and to have the help the Bible, in the holiness code, calls for to rebuke your neighbor and not stand idly by the blood of your brother. We the People are our brother’s keeper and this is the T’Shuvah for Cain’s actions.
I am seeking your forgiveness for the times and/or your experience of my harshness, my abruptness made it impossible to hear the message of love, concern, urgency for your well-being. I am seeking your forgiveness for the times in which my inner explosions at what I felt were injustices, mendacities, taking advantage of another(s) created panic, fear in you. I am asking for forgiveness for the actions that have made it so difficult to forgive me, the reasons you may have for putting me in Cherum, in exile. I am asking for forgiveness for the times of my inattentiveness to your needs, to not hearing your calls, to not seeing you for whom you are. I am free of resentments because of my practice of forgiveness, I am free of the prison of self-hatred, self-flagellation, I am realizing more and more each day that I have something to offer in this ‘next chapter’ and I forgive myself for taking so long to get into action. More will be revealed on this ‘next chapter’ in the coming days/weeks.
ACTION STEP:
Begin an outline of what a practice of forgiveness is for you
Start with self and another human being to seek forgiveness from
Write down the experience of seeking self-forgiveness and forgiveness from another
GOD BLESS, STOP GHOSTING GOD, STOP GHOSTING SELF, Rabbi Mark