Ghosting God, Ghosting Self
Day 127
Last night I had the honor and pleasure of learning with my dear friend Rabbi Ed Feinstein. We had the finale of our 3 part series on: “Can We Change? Heschel, T’shuvah, and Beginning Again”. Last evening/afternoon, depending on which time zone one lives in, we had a conversation about forgiveness. This is one of the most important aspects of T’Shuvah, of course, and of being human. Without forgiveness, no one can live, on Sunday night and Monday we are going to be, supposedly, asking God to forgive us- hence how can we not ask one another for forgiveness? Yet, asking for forgiveness with and in sincerity is rare, both in our tradition, throughout history, and, certainly, in today’s world. Besides going through the motions, going to Synagogue looking good for the neighbors, keeping up a facade, seeing people you haven’t seen since last Yom Kippur, making sure your Country Club friends see you, why are you going to services? How can you stand in front of the Ark, kiss the Torah, say the words on the holiest day in the Jewish Calendar and put no meaning, no authenticity, no truth into practice on HaYom, This Day?
This is the issue facing all of we the people today and everyday. Hence, I believe We the People have to begin with forgiveness and begin NOW! The spiritual forces of the Universe are emanating forgiveness, courage, hope, new beginnings so this moment is overflowing with support for seeking of forgiveness. Why is it so difficult to truly ask for forgiveness rather than just get the heat off? What prevents we the people from admitting our errors and foibles? What makes it so easy to ignore the truth and meaning behind the words of the Ashamnu prayer? FEAR! FEAR of being seen, FEAR of being known, FEAR of being judged, FEAR of being vulnerable, FEAR of being seen as ‘less than’, FEAR of being ‘out of the club’, FEAR of breaking some code, FEAR of ….
“The Truth will Set You Free” according to Jesus in John 8:32, we say Adonai Emet, God is Truth in the Jewish Tradition, yet, both Christians and Jews find it so hard to see their behaviors in the light of the harms they cause, see their foibles as hurting some one else, and if they ‘confess’ at all, it is in secret to the priest, the minister, the Rabbi. The Bible, however, calls for public confession, using offerings to draw near to God again after screwing up, and now We the People do T’Shuvah and make restitution to the person, give Tzedakah, and believe our prayers will draw us nearer to the Ineffable One, to the person whom we have harmed and to our authentic self. It has to be public, the reason for the many confessionals on Kol Nidre and Yom Kippur, so another person can derive strength from knowing they are not alone in their screw ups, that everyone does some form of missing the mark in all of the major categories, and joining one’s voice with the cacophony of music, the calls of truth, asking for forgiveness, makes it possible for one to feel part of rather than apart from the ‘other sinners’ in the congregation.
The FEAR of being seen is, I believe, one of the biggest reasons We the People find it so difficult to ask for forgiveness. We have put up a facade for so long, we have lived a false script implanted in our early years by parents, grandparents, teachers, friends, society, that We the People have come to believe this false script is real! And at the same time, thinking that these ‘friends’ would walk away if they knew who I really was. This conundrum has baffled we the people forever which is why the Prophets keep reminding us that God takes us back in love, God heals our backsliding, God wants our return as our prayers remind us. However, until we the people make the difficult choice to live in truth, there is no way to ask for nor receive forgiveness. At issue for most of we the people is once we are seen for who we are, good and not so good, there is no turning back, we can never hide from this person again and that makes many of we the people very uncomfortable. More tomorrow!
Once I realized how hidden I had been-not so much from another for any great length of time-from ME, I cried, I wept, I sobbed, I beat my breast, I made a commitment to change, to stop hiding, to confess publicly and loudly-too loudly for many:)! I have been seeking, asking for, forgiveness since the month of Elul in 1987 when Rabbi Mel Silverman taught me about T’Shuvah, when Rabbi Heschel taught me that “the greatest miracle is Repentance” and without forgiveness, I can’t move forward in my life- I don’t need it granted by another, I do, however, have to seek it. I seek it in the areas where I am the most embarrassed by my errors, I am asking for it even as I write this. I am NO LONGER afraid to be seen and have not been for years-this didn’t happen overnight, I have found times when I was hidden and only realize it in hindsight. I am re-covenanting with you, with God, with self to NOT HIDE-no matter how it makes me look!
ACTION STEP:
Make a list of the forgiveness’ you NEED to seek and ask for the people for it
God Bless, Stop Ghosting God, Ghosting Self, Rabbi Mark