Ghosting God, Ghosting Self
Day 112
The second word of the Ashamnu confessional can be translated as “betrayed”. In thinking about this and speaking with Harriet Rossetto, my brilliant, amazing, wonderful wife, partner, best friend, she asked “what about shame” when she read Friday’s post. In the afternoon, on the way home from Bridge, where we played very poorly, I realized shame is the greatest betrayal of self and of God. We are made in the image of God, how can we be in shame? While embarrassment is part of the Bible, Adam and Eve hiding after eating the fruit, Noah and Canaan, Abraham allowing Sarah to send Hagar and Ishmael away, Jacob’s worrying about how he will look to people after Levi and Simeon murder the men of Shechem, etc, no place is shame a punishment nor a producer of better behavior! Yet, society has used it forever to ‘keep people in line’ and made it an internal experience coming from not being perfect, from doing the ‘wrong thing’, from ‘missing the mark’ rather than using the guilt I wrote about on Friday to improve. There is never improvement from shame; as John Bradshaw wrote: “Guilt is for what I have done, Shame is for who I am”. Hence-there is no Shame when We the People remember we are created in the Image of God!! On Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur we will recite the Avinu Malkeynu prayer-declaring We the People to be the subjects and the children of God, acknowledging our God-Images, another opportunity to shed the shame that has trapped us, that has been weaponized against us by the bullies, by the autocrats, by our parents, etc. When we buy the shame another(s) is putting upon us, we are betraying God’s belief in us, we are betraying our self, which is the opposite of what this month, what living a life of faith, what Yom Kippur, Passover, Shavuot celebrate: freedom from shame, connection/reconnection to Authentic Self, to God.
I am thinking about the myriad of betrayals we the people commit on a daily basis-from our sales pitch which leaves a lot of stuff out to our going along with people to ‘get ours’, to not be harassed, to not be laughed at, to not be shamed by another, to our need to “accuse someone else of that which you are guilty of” as Goebbels so wonderfully taught people who are wanna be Fascists and We the People are experiencing on steroids in this moment. The betrayal of the United States Constitution and Declaration of Independence, the Bill of Rights, the Amendments to the Constitution by Trump, et al is not unexpected, he told us as much in his campaigns, that the Supreme Court has supported his CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR, both legal and spiritual against our founding documents, the spirit of the Revolution of 1776, is what is truly unbelievably betraying and bewildering. That these ‘god fearing’ ‘good christian men and women’ can betray the words and deeds of Jesus, can go to church and preach/pray words of love while doing actions of hatred, immorality, is astounding AND a Betrayal of their Oath of Office as well as a Betrayal of their proclaimed ‘love of Jesus’ which is, in reality, a love of self, a love of the “money-changers in the Temple/White House”.
On a personal note, We the People are being called to look inside of ourselves, to look back over this past year(s) to realize the betrayals we have committed, betraying our authentic self, our moral fiber, our principles, the values of the Bible, the dignity of another human being as well as our own dignity. This is one of the hardest parts of the Ashamnu prayer-this deep dive into the betrayals we the people commit without even realizing they are betrayals! Especially the betrayal of parents to children by shaming them, by speaking to them in ways they cannot understand-going against the wisdom of Proverbs. This, which is a societal norm, has caused the greatest amount of grief, of self-doubt, of negative rebellion over the millennia as has the shaming of teachers to their students which runs a close second to that of the parents. The use of God to punish, shaming someone for not knowing, is a tremendous betrayal of our obligations to “teach our children well” which is not just a song, it is a commandment.!
I have been obsessing over the betrayals I have committed over the years and realize the biggest betrayal was allowing myself to become a caricature of me, giving into the ‘role’ I put myself into and another(s) put me in. I have done my part and, as with other amends that have not resulted in any form of reunification, I am powerless over the result and just have to do the work. This is the beauty and wonder of T’Shuvah, it cleans the soul of the one doing it without needing anyone to accept it-God does and We the People can move forward without shame and knowing we have repaired the guilt that we incurred, with an eye and plan not to do the same thing again. I miss the people who have betrayed me and not made any effort to heal the rift and pray for them, wish them well, and send blessings to them. To Heather, Harriet, Neal, Sheri, my family, to the people who still stay in touch, who have accepted my T’Shuvah, THANK YOU!
ACTION STEP
Make a list of your betrayals, make amends to self and the people harmed.
God Bless, Stop Ghosting God, Ghosting Self