Ghosting God, Ghosting Self
Day 113
BEGINNING TOMORROW, Rabbi Ed Feinstein and myself will be doing a 3-week program for Melton on “Can We Change, Heschel, T’Shuvah and Beginning Again”. The link is available on the Melton Website-hope you can join us!!
Another, more subtle way of ‘missing the mark’ during the month of Elul and the 10 days of T’Shuvah is to not acknowledge the positive side of the ledger. Using the Ashamnu Prayer, the opposite of guilt is, according to AI, innocence, clear conscience. I believe the opposite of guilt is to acknowledge the good. Having the ledger sheet of what we the people are guilty of, We now take another sheet of paper and write at the top: Things I did well and then who was helped, how they were helped and how can I inhale these behaviors in the coming year.
I say this is a subtle way of ‘missing the mark’ because the emphasis is on our guilt and not always on the entirety of our actions in this past year. It is also hard for many of We the People to truly acknowledge and revel in the good we do because it seems braggadocios, conceited, etc. In reality, it is an awareness of the goodness that is in our guts and the Holiness we engage in each and every day. Guilt makes us point the finger at ourselves rather than at another and doing good makes us point the finger at ourselves in a different light-without Both, we always have a distorted picture of who we are, what we are, and live inauthentic lives.
This time of year is crucial in the quest of We the People to live more authentic lives, to live into the Individual Call from Sinai, like when the Israelites crossed the Red Sea, each had their own experience of God, when they stood at the base of Mount Sinai, each individual had their own experience of receiving the 10 Sayings, so too do each of We the People have an individual and unique experience of the Call from Sinai happening each and every day. The Call is constant and, acknowledging the good we do, engaging in the gift of T’Shuvah, allows us to hear the Call that is just for us, as individuals as well as a human race.
Looking at the good we have done is also important for us to know the path to correcting the guilt, the harms we have brought. It is an educational as well as spiritual lesson, it teaches us to stop berating ourselves for our imperfections, to realize and rejoice in the myriad of ways we rise above pettiness and pride, envy and enmity, to be giving and humble, to appreciate what we have and let go of senseless hatred. Looking at the good we have done also gives is the gift of being able to KNOW that We the People do know the next right action to take in any and all scenarios.
While we spend a lot of time in the negativity of our leadership, especially the weak-kneed, ass-kissing Republicans in the Congress and the Narcissistic Grifters in the Executive Branch, and the cock-sucking members of the Supreme Court, all of whom are seeking to end our Democracy and install an autocracy; looking at the good allows us to see the good that so many of We the People are doing-from Bishop William Barber to John Pavlovitz, from Najuma Smith to Elliot Cosgrove, from Maria Shriver to Oprah Winfrey, from Steven Spielberg to Robert DiNiro, from you to me!
Looking over the past year(s), I can focus on the negative that I have done and that has been done to me AND, while I don’t ignore it, I choose to focus on the good I have done, the lives I have touched and the generosity of spirit I have been shown for the past almost 40 years-beginning with Detective Jim Bashira who arrested me in Dec. 1986 and started me on this journey. This is a terribly important choice that We the People make each and every day. Of course the people who raised us, our parents, made mistakes, of course the teachers we had failed to see who we are and accentuate the gifts we had/have, of course our employers don’t see the importance of the work we do whether it is keeping the place clean or inventing the next great thing for them to patent. Yet, this is not what is important-what is important is that We the People know the goodness we show to another(s), know the goodness we receive from the universe, not need to have a tit-for-tat relationship, not need to keep score, not need to judge ourselves NOR another(s) on our/their worst actions. What is important is our ability to forgive another for their errors just as We the People want forgiveness for ours. I have been forgiven by God each year and by most of the people I make T’Shuvah with and the rest, I accept their unwillingness to reconnect, to resew the fabric of our relationship and am sad AND not in excessive guilt! Knowing the good I do allows me to feel empathy for those who have harmed me and for those who are unable to forgive, to reconnect.
ACTION STEP:
Write down the good you have done and who/how another was impacted.
GOD BLESS, Stop Ghosting God, Ghosting Self, Rabbi Mark