Ghosting God, Ghosting Self
Day 111
BEGINNING THIS TUESDAY, Rabbi Ed Feinstein and myself will be doing a 3-week program for Melton on “Can We Change, Heschel, T’Shuvah and Beginning Again”. The link is available on the Melton Website-hope you can join us!!
On this 15th Day of Elul, halfway into this month of preparation, this month of introspection, this month of rigorous honesty, of fearlessly searching our self for both actions and motives behind our actions, good and not good, it is important for We the People to take a moment and realize that “this is the day Adonai has made and let us rejoice in it” as the Psalmist says. While this is part of the Hallel Prayers said on Holidays, new moons, it is something to say everyday, I believe. Saying it reminds us that what we have is today, what we are able to do, especially during Elul, with this day is move forward in our inventory, move forward in the repairs we have to make, move forward in “the things that should be changed” as Reinhold Niebuhr writes in the original Serenity Prayer, move forward in our enhancing our better angels to be more present and a little louder when our not better angels are screaming in our ears.
Elul and the entire High Holiday Liturgy remind us that we the people need to take care of our stuff as soon as we realize there is stuff to take care of. None of us know the day of our death, it says in the Talmud, and from this Rabbi Eliezer concludes since a person should do T’Shuvah one day before his/her death, she/he should do T’Shuvah every day. During this month, when compassion, forgiveness, kindness, truth, love are so overwhelmingly present that they INFECT everyone (almost) We the People are being called home, called back to the soul we were created to be and to live our lives by surrendering to God’s Will, not the will of the people ‘running’ religions today, not the power-hungry, money-changers that are as prevalent, if not more so, then in the time of Christ, in the time of the Prophets!
To do this, is to immerse ourselves in the different prayers and I am going to use the Ashamnu prayer, the confessional prayer we say on Kol Nidre and Yom Kippur. “We are guilty” is a confession that most people are unwilling to make, many of us plead “No Contest” rather than admit our guilt which is, in my opinion, one of the reasons that MENDACITY is so present in our everyday way of being. It is the reason so many people upon hearing the T’Shuvah of another(s) are unable to forgive them because they cannot, will not see their own part in the interactions that led to the harms. It is the reason so many people refuse to reconnect with the ‘guilty’ party because then they would have to be responsible for their part. Hence, I believe, the Rabbis made this prayer in the plural, because if everyone is “guilty”, it doesn’t sting too much. BULLSHIT on the Rabbis not ensuring on the Holiest Day of the Year in Judaism that WE THE PEOPLE, individually as well as collectively take responsibility for that which we the people are guilty of. Were they afraid of their own guilt overwhelming them?
BTW, guilt is a GOOD thing, it is a positive experience and emotion. It proves that one is not a sociopath, a malignant narcissist, that we the people have not lost our humanity, WHEW! It is also something that is used as a weapon by another(s), it is used by we the people as a weapon against ourselves by indulging in it, by believing our worst actions define us, by accepting that we are worthless and don’t deserve to breath the same air as ____. This is the worst weaponization of guilt we can do to ourselves! It renders us defenseless against the onslaught of negative thoughts, negative rejoinders by another(s), and it makes doing T’Shuvah, being forgiven seem like a bridge too far. This was an issue for me for a long time, one of the reasons I did not even try to change, one of the reasons I was hopeless.
Learning about the power of T’Shuvah, learning it from Maimonidies, Heschel, the Talmud changed all of this. It is not enough that I ask Adonai for forgiveness on Yom Kippur, I have to ask you for forgiveness each time I screw up! The difference between when I was hopeless and did not try to change and now is that I KNOW change is the only constant, that change is possible, doable and I am not worthless, I am not a piece of shit, I am a human being and being human means I revel in my guilt because it causes change, it brings me closer to my own authenticity, it allows me to grow. Guilt has nothing to do with shame, I am not ashamed to be Mark Borovitz, I actually “rejoice in it”, as I do “in this day that Adonai has made”!
ACTION STEP
Write down your “guilts” and rejoice in repairing and changing them!
Each day, declare: “This is the Day God has made, I will rejoice in it”!
God Bless, Stop Ghosting God, Ghosting Self, Rabbi Mark