Parashah VaYishlach changed my life in 1987. I realized the power of change and the possibility of change. I realized that forgiveness was possible and asking for it is necessary for re-connection to happen.
One of the first teachings is in the beginning of the Parashah, “Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau, his brother…” Jacob knows that he harmed his brother and he doesn’t want to just show up and say “I’m here brother” so he sends messengers, which in the text is the same word for angels. This teaches me that when I am going to send a message, I have to see the messenger as an Angel, which means that I have to be in my higher place and I am seeing the person I am sending the messenger to as a Divine Spirit. In other words, my God-Image is speaking to your (another) Divine Image. Torah is teaching us to think about the message we want to send, the words we use have to be in the language of the recipient, and accept that the person has a right to refuse to see you. I think that Jacob’s message did not really address Esau’s wound. Rather, he was telling him that he was wealthy in his own right. Maybe he was trying to tell Esau that he didn’t want anything from him, yet, he did not address his own errors. He did not ask for a meeting or anything, just a by the by message. When I sent a message to my brothers, I told them that I wanted to see them and talk to them. They both accepted my invitation and they were able to forgive me and we reconnected stronger than before. My oldest brother, Stuart,z”l, was just happy to see me again and told me what he was angry with me about and we worked it out. My middle brother, Neal, had begun a discussion while I was in prison and when we met, we were able to talk, reconcile, reconnect and study together. We found our common bonds again, besides just being brothers, and we have stayed connected and grown our relationship to where he is my confidant and advisor and friend. While I did not send messengers, I sent a message that spoke to both of them in ways they could hear and did not shirk my responsibility for our rift. All of us are able to be the angel/messenger for ourselves and for others, we just have to make that decision and be in acceptance of the response without trying to control the results. Whatever the circumstances that make sending a message are, we always have the opportunity to come from our highest place and reach the highest place of another.
Jacob’s response to the message from the messengers is fear. They do not tell him what Esau said, only that he was coming with 400 men to meet him. Jacob goes to fear rather than joy. The Hebrew word is Yirah- which means awe and fear. I believe that Jacob goes to fear because he is still holding on to what happened when he left his home because Esau wanted to kill him. For Jacob, there is no thought that Esau could be coming to greet him and escort him home with joy and dignity because he is still guilty and not able to believe that Esau is leaving the past in the past. I am sure that many of us can relate to this. When we have wronged someone or been wronged by someone, we hold onto that wound and believe the other person does also. I did not believe that I was accepted nor could be accepted when I was doing the wrong thing and living an addicted life. When I got into recovery, I believed forgiveness was possible and achievable. I realize that Jacob was living in the past and that was coloring everything he saw and did. This teaching was/is a cornerstone of my recovery and growth. Living in today takes a lot of work, it means that I have to see today as different than yesterday. I can’t say ‘same shit, different day’, I can’t say ‘if I do today what I did yesterday, I will be okay’. I have to be in wonder each and every day. I need to realize that holding on to the past keeps me stuck and keeps me stale. Rabbi Heschel says “there is nothing stale under the sun except human beings that become stale.” Being fresh is wearing a “new pair of glasses” as Chuck C writes in his book of the same name. When I am afraid because of past experiences, I have to wake myself up and realize that this moment is different and if I treat it as past moments, I can never have a different experience.
I believe that Esau was coming to welcome Jacob with honor and dignity and safety. Esau had moved past the old hurts, Jacob could not. I know that living as Jacob does in the beginning of this Parashah is sad and lonely. Esau embraces, kisses and weeps when he sees Jacob because he is in the moment, Jacob is still scared. How sad!
I believe we all have the opportunity to let go of past hurts and still protect ourselves. We don’t have to be doormats and we can be open to new experiences. Reaching out our hand to those we have harmed by asking for forgiveness and forgiving others when they ask is central to our faith. Letting go of resentments even when another person does not ask for forgiveness allows us to see their humanity and have Divine Pathos and compassion towards them so we don’t “hate our kinsman in our hearts” as Leviticus teaches us. I am committed to letting go and being more present and open to change this week and this year and I hope you are also. Shabbat Shalom, Rabbi Mark
Parashah VaYishlach changed my life in 1987. I realized the power of change and the possibility of change. I realized that forgiveness was possible and asking for it is necessary for re-connection to happen.
One of the first teachings is in the beginning of the Parashah, “Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau, his brother…” Jacob knows that he harmed his brother and he doesn’t want to just show up and say “I’m here brother” so he sends messengers, which in the text is the same word for angels. This teaches me that when I am going to send a message, I have to see the messenger as an Angel, which means that I have to be in my higher place and I am seeing the person I am sending the messenger to as a Divine Spirit. In other words, my God-Image is speaking to your (another) Divine Image. Torah is teaching us to think about the message we want to send, the words we use have to be in the language of the recipient, and accept that the person has a right to refuse to see you. I think that Jacob’s message did not really address Esau’s wound. Rather, he was telling him that he was wealthy in his own right. Maybe he was trying to tell Esau that he didn’t want anything from him, yet, he did not address his own errors. He did not ask for a meeting or anything, just a by the by message. When I sent a message to my brothers, I told them that I wanted to see them and talk to them. They both accepted my invitation and they were able to forgive me and we reconnected stronger than before. My oldest brother, Stuart,z”l, was just happy to see me again and told me what he was angry with me about and we worked it out. My middle brother, Neal, had begun a discussion while I was in prison and when we met, we were able to talk, reconcile, reconnect and study together. We found our common bonds again, besides just being brothers, and we have stayed connected and grown our relationship to where he is my confidant and advisor and friend. While I did not send messengers, I sent a message that spoke to both of them in ways they could hear and did not shirk my responsibility for our rift. All of us are able to be the angel/messenger for ourselves and for others, we just have to make that decision and be in acceptance of the response without trying to control the results. Whatever the circumstances that make sending a message are, we always have the opportunity to come from our highest place and reach the highest place of another.
Jacob’s response to the message from the messengers is fear. They do not tell him what Esau said, only that he was coming with 400 men to meet him. Jacob goes to fear rather than joy. The Hebrew word is Yirah- which means awe and fear. I believe that Jacob goes to fear because he is still holding on to what happened when he left his home because Esau wanted to kill him. For Jacob, there is no thought that Esau could be coming to greet him and escort him home with joy and dignity because he is still guilty and not able to believe that Esau is leaving the past in the past. I am sure that many of us can relate to this. When we have wronged someone or been wronged by someone, we hold onto that wound and believe the other person does also. I did not believe that I was accepted nor could be accepted when I was doing the wrong thing and living an addicted life. When I got into recovery, I believed forgiveness was possible and achievable. I realize that Jacob was living in the past and that was coloring everything he saw and did. This teaching was/is a cornerstone of my recovery and growth. Living in today takes a lot of work, it means that I have to see today as different than yesterday. I can’t say ‘same shit, different day’, I can’t say ‘if I do today what I did yesterday, I will be okay’. I have to be in wonder each and every day. I need to realize that holding on to the past keeps me stuck and keeps me stale. Rabbi Heschel says “there is nothing stale under the sun except human beings that become stale.” Being fresh is wearing a “new pair of glasses” as Chuck C writes in his book of the same name. When I am afraid because of past experiences, I have to wake myself up and realize that this moment is different and if I treat it as past moments, I can never have a different experience.
I believe that Esau was coming to welcome Jacob with honor and dignity and safety. Esau had moved past the old hurts, Jacob could not. I know that living as Jacob does in the beginning of this Parashah is sad and lonely. Esau embraces, kisses and weeps when he sees Jacob because he is in the moment, Jacob is still scared. How sad!
I believe we all have the opportunity to let go of past hurts and still protect ourselves. We don’t have to be doormats and we can be open to new experiences. Reaching out our hand to those we have harmed by asking for forgiveness and forgiving others when they ask is central to our faith. Letting go of resentments even when another person does not ask for forgiveness allows us to see their humanity and have Divine Pathos and compassion towards them so we don’t “hate our kinsman in our hearts” as Leviticus teaches us. I am committed to letting go and being more present and open to change this week and this year and I hope you are also. Shabbat Shalom, Rabbi Mark
Parashah VaYishlach changed my life in 1987. I realized the power of change and the possibility of change. I realized that forgiveness was possible and asking for it is necessary for re-connection to happen.
One of the first teachings is in the beginning of the Parashah, “Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau, his brother…” Jacob knows that he harmed his brother and he doesn’t want to just show up and say “I’m here brother” so he sends messengers, which in the text is the same word for angels. This teaches me that when I am going to send a message, I have to see the messenger as an Angel, which means that I have to be in my higher place and I am seeing the person I am sending the messenger to as a Divine Spirit. In other words, my God-Image is speaking to your (another) Divine Image. Torah is teaching us to think about the message we want to send, the words we use have to be in the language of the recipient, and accept that the person has a right to refuse to see you. I think that Jacob’s message did not really address Esau’s wound. Rather, he was telling him that he was wealthy in his own right. Maybe he was trying to tell Esau that he didn’t want anything from him, yet, he did not address his own errors. He did not ask for a meeting or anything, just a by the by message. When I sent a message to my brothers, I told them that I wanted to see them and talk to them. They both accepted my invitation and they were able to forgive me and we reconnected stronger than before. My oldest brother, Stuart,z”l, was just happy to see me again and told me what he was angry with me about and we worked it out. My middle brother, Neal, had begun a discussion while I was in prison and when we met, we were able to talk, reconcile, reconnect and study together. We found our common bonds again, besides just being brothers, and we have stayed connected and grown our relationship to where he is my confidant and advisor and friend. While I did not send messengers, I sent a message that spoke to both of them in ways they could hear and did not shirk my responsibility for our rift. All of us are able to be the angel/messenger for ourselves and for others, we just have to make that decision and be in acceptance of the response without trying to control the results. Whatever the circumstances that make sending a message are, we always have the opportunity to come from our highest place and reach the highest place of another.
Jacob’s response to the message from the messengers is fear. They do not tell him what Esau said, only that he was coming with 400 men to meet him. Jacob goes to fear rather than joy. The Hebrew word is Yirah- which means awe and fear. I believe that Jacob goes to fear because he is still holding on to what happened when he left his home because Esau wanted to kill him. For Jacob, there is no thought that Esau could be coming to greet him and escort him home with joy and dignity because he is still guilty and not able to believe that Esau is leaving the past in the past. I am sure that many of us can relate to this. When we have wronged someone or been wronged by someone, we hold onto that wound and believe the other person does also. I did not believe that I was accepted nor could be accepted when I was doing the wrong thing and living an addicted life. When I got into recovery, I believed forgiveness was possible and achievable. I realize that Jacob was living in the past and that was coloring everything he saw and did. This teaching was/is a cornerstone of my recovery and growth. Living in today takes a lot of work, it means that I have to see today as different than yesterday. I can’t say ‘same shit, different day’, I can’t say ‘if I do today what I did yesterday, I will be okay’. I have to be in wonder each and every day. I need to realize that holding on to the past keeps me stuck and keeps me stale. Rabbi Heschel says “there is nothing stale under the sun except human beings that become stale.” Being fresh is wearing a “new pair of glasses” as Chuck C writes in his book of the same name. When I am afraid because of past experiences, I have to wake myself up and realize that this moment is different and if I treat it as past moments, I can never have a different experience.
I believe that Esau was coming to welcome Jacob with honor and dignity and safety. Esau had moved past the old hurts, Jacob could not. I know that living as Jacob does in the beginning of this Parashah is sad and lonely. Esau embraces, kisses and weeps when he sees Jacob because he is in the moment, Jacob is still scared. How sad!
I believe we all have the opportunity to let go of past hurts and still protect ourselves. We don’t have to be doormats and we can be open to new experiences. Reaching out our hand to those we have harmed by asking for forgiveness and forgiving others when they ask is central to our faith. Letting go of resentments even when another person does not ask for forgiveness allows us to see their humanity and have Divine Pathos and compassion towards them so we don’t “hate our kinsman in our hearts” as Leviticus teaches us. I am committed to letting go and being more present and open to change this week and this year and I hope you are also. Shabbat Shalom, Rabbi Mark