Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Day 137
“Embarrassment is the awareness of an incongruity of character and challenge, of perceptivity and reality, of knowledge and understanding, of mystery and comprehension.”(Who is Man pg.112)
The word incongruous comes from the Latin meaning ‘not suitable, not agreeing’. Rabbi Heschel is reminding us, training us and teaching us to allow our awareness of our character and challenge ‘not agreeing’ lead us to being embarrassed so we will change our current state of being. We have become so inured to our incongruous nature and so defensive of our ‘character defects’ we fight to the end not to change. Our character traits are neither good nor bad, according to Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz, how we use them determines their worth as they have no intrinsic value. The challenge is God’s call to us, God’s demand upon us and the call of God’s creations for aid and assistance no matter the cause of their hardships. In the Bible, caring for the stranger, the poor and the needy, the powerless and voiceless has no explanation of how these situations occurred, only the command/demand of God to care for them.
Our character is developed over time. We may have a certain natural bent towards good-naturedness, melancholy, glass half-empty/half-full, etc and this doesn’t determine our character. What determines our character, I believe, is how we learn to treat ourselves and human beings in general, how we treat animals and care for our planet, how we respond to God instead of hiding as Adam and Eve did. We develop our character through the actions we take and the beliefs we adopt. When we see every human being as having equally infinite worth and dignity, we will not treat them as objects for our desires and stepping stones to our wealth, fame, endgame, etc. Religion is the path of character development that is in accordance with being a “contemporary of God” as Rabbi Heschel taught us earlier, yet we have decided it is not a life-long pursuit for most of us. We go to religious school long enough to get confirmed, Bar/Bat Mitzvah and at the tender age of 13, we decide we don’t need any more character development nor refinement and parents agree! How ridiculous and doesn’t this explain the lack of good character development and refinement that we are experiencing some 59 years after Rabbi Heschel first pointed this ‘not-agreeing’ state of being for most of humanity.
Taking Rabbi Heschel’s teaching above seriously causes us to walk around red-faced so we feel the heat of our incongruous behaviors, we feel the discomfort of our ignoring the challenge of God, we let everyone we meet know that we are at least aware of our incongruous behaviors and we are deciding whether to change our ways of being. We inform those around us that we are considering refining and developing our character to a state that is able, willing and desires to meet the challenges of God, the needs of human beings and the call of our own soul/inner life. Being embarrassed causes us to be better citizens and not engage in deception of another(s) nor self-deception. Being embarrassed causes us to be better parents as we teach our children that blushing is an acknowledgement of our awareness of our incongruities and the commitment to live a life that is ‘in agreement’ with God’s challenges, we teach our children that character development is as important, if not more important, than their intellectual development so they will continue to seek guidance from religion, spiritual guides, and learn to immerse themselves in the Bible for new and different ways to see the same situation. Being embarrassed connects us with God and causes us to turn towards God how is always searching and calling to and for us and this connection becomes the blueprint for connecting with another human(s); i.e. covenantal relationships. Being embarrassed is recognized as a gift rather than a burden/shame.
In recovery we engage in character refinement and development from the time we choose to be in recovery and we are acutely aware that without engaging in this endeavor, we may say we are in recovery, we are not-we are just “dry drunks” as the program of AA speaks about. Recovery is a way of being in tune with God’s call and the call of our inner life, it is a path to connect with another human being and a group of humans on a real, unvarnished and truthful way. It is the path of embarrassment that causes growth, congruity and harmony-in other words a path of joy and fulfillment.
My engagement in character development and refinement is unending. As I write these blogs, I am learning the subtle ways I have stayed willfully blind to some of my inappropriate character traits and the subtle ways I stayed willfully blind to the signs of betrayal by people I thought were of stellar character. Some of them are of good character and simply decided to serve themselves and not see me, and I have given people reasons to not see me with my ‘different’ way of relating and caring. I continue to refine my character so I can better meet the challenges God gives me, the call to action that my soul moves me to. I was embarrassed the other day when I realized how my ego got in the way of appreciating another person promoting some teachings that I imparted to them and not receiving credit from her/him. My red-face stopped me and I experienced the gift of having my words and thoughts, which come from God, promoted and taught in such a far-reaching manner as joy instead of ‘why not me’. God Bless and Stay safe, Rabbi Mark