Ghosting God, Ghosting Self
Day 115
We the People have less that 20 days to get our shit together before the BIG DAY, before Yom Kippur comes to ask us, what have you done to make things right from last year, what have you done to see a different path to take because the same situations will challenge you over and over again, what have you done to repair relationships that have frayed-not so much from harms rather from not attending to them? These questions and more are being asked of we the people on Yom Kippur and the 40 days prior give us the moments to respond to them with concrete solutions that We the People have taken and are implementing. This is what the 3rd word of the Ashamnu Prayer points us to, I believe, when we confess that We the People, the ‘regular folk’ have misappropriated our time, our efforts, our money, stolen time, money, dignity, etc from another(s).
This is another of those pesky ‘sins’ that happen without any thought, without any planning often. When we say “tomorrow” we very well may be misappropriating the moment we are in, the needs of another(s), and, since we have no idea what tomorrow brings, it may not happen then. I am GUILTY as charged AND getting better-need more work on this and maybe that is why I am writing on this pesky ‘sin’ now:)! When we spend money to show off and don’t give the Tzedakah we can, misappropriation is on full display, when the taking the time to sit with someone in need isn’t ’convenient’, when being ‘too busy’ is a constant excuse/refrain, when “why bother” is one of the first responses we have to a challenge like being moral in an immoral society, misappropriation is running rampant.
This pesky ‘sin’ is asking/demanding that we the people stop making stupid excuses for our unabashed desire to “get what we want no matter the cost”. While Daniel Farragut supposedly said “Damn the Torpedos… full speed ahead” during the Civil War, it is not a blueprint for how to live in civilian life, it is not a path to follow for wholeness, for decency, kindness, love, justice, etc. Rather, this ‘sin’ is calling out to we the people because the belief that We the People can change, can do things differently, can care for the needy and poor, can love the stranger, can do justly, love mercy, follow in the ways of God is strong, is flashing in Neon Lights during these 40 days (and at other times as well) calling us to believe in our own capacity to change, in our own capacity to return to the soul we are created to be!
We the People have, as my friend and teacher Rabbi Ed Feinstein said last night on a podcast he and I are doing on Change, Heschel and Forgiveness through the Melton Program and you can sign up for the next two Tuesdays at 7PM Eastern, 4PM Pacific time, “we regular Yidden don’t do ‘bad things’” to which I responded in abject disbelief that “regular Yidden” could believe this bullshit and these lies. This is the heart of misappropriation, believing that “I don’t’ do those things, I am not like those people” and other similar lies, ways to soothe our consciences, our deep-seated beliefs that there is “something wrong with me”, that “I am defective and everyone else has it together”. Being a practitioner of these lies, being called out as “one of those people”, helped my misappropriation of time, energy, my money, allowed me, gave me permission to lie, cheat and steal. They gave me a community of people to hang out with that were not helping me raise my spiritual life, shall we say, and these same people took good care of me.
T’Shuvah, for me is not just repentance, this time is not just about making things right, it is also about returning to my original state, to believing that each morning when I wake up, I truly notice the cleansing of my soul that took place overnight, that the returning of my soul to me by God is a show of compassion, faithfulness, love, AND knowing I can end many of my misappropriations, many of the thefts that I commit by not being me, by not hearing you, by not seeing you, by hiding from myself, by refusing to take the mantle God has put on my shoulders, by not seeing myself as the worthy, dignified human being I am. I have bought into the societal lies, I have forgotten to be maladjusted at times and these actions have brought hurt, guilt, betrayal into my life-all done by me because the people who instigated these actions were just doing their thing, in their own blindness, in their own deafness, it is I who has to stand up for me, it is I who has to say NO to misappropriations!
ACTION STEP:
Make a list of the myriad of ways you misappropriate and your plan for doing one grain of sand better each day
God Bless, Stop Ghosting God, Ghosting Self, Rabbi Mark