Ghosting God, Ghosting Self
Day101
“In the beginning of God’s creating the heavens and the earth, there was emptiness and chaos, darkness on the face of the deep” gives We the People a clear vision of darkness that is NOT horrific, terrible, fearful. While Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel may not be “religious Jews” and they may not have been trying to write a spiritual song, the more I delve into this song during this month of Elul, the more I am seeing the influence of growing up Jewish in Queens in the shadow of the Shoah, in a family of Eastern European descent. Simon and Garfunkel remind us, that “darkness, my old friend” is true for many of us who, “in restless dreams I walked alone…when my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light that split the night and touched the sound of silence”. While St. John of the Cross was the first person to coin the phrase: “dark night of the soul”, we encounter this experience throughout the Bible from Noah on. It is only since our “eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light” that We the People can hear the voice of our souls, the voice of God, the Call from Sinai, be touched and changed by the words of the prophets to “return”, because that “neon light that split the night and touched the should of silence” that was stifling the voice of my soul, the words of heart, the knowing of my intuition.
The “dark night of the soul” experience is documented throughout our history and I want to begin with Jacob, our ancestor for whom the Jewish People are named Israel, who had a couple of these experiences and, unfortunately, did not allow them to pierce his way of being entirely. In Jacob, we see the issue of not giving oneself over completely to the experience of having our “eyes stabbed by the flash of a neon light”, we see the result of returning to the “sound of silence” which the Bible documents both in the killing of the people of Shechem and when Joseph brags about his dreams. He has moments where the “flash of a neon light” reminds him of who he truly is, what his purpose is and how to carry it out AND, he can’t hold onto it. Moses, on the other hand, can and does!
Bill Wilson had this “flash” and, with Dr. Bob Smith, began, founded Alcoholics Anonymous, which has ‘saved’ millions upon millions of lives in these 91+ years of existence and, in full disclosure, I am one of their members. Steve Jobs, Louis Pasteur, DaVinci, Chagall, Mozart, Beethoven, and every creative genius in any and every realm of living has had a “dark night of the soul” where they realized how “touched by God” they are/were and saw the path of their lives clearly, in full color. When our “eyes are stabbed” it indicates the suddenness of awakening, the surprise of ‘seeing for the first time’, the trembling awe of coming face to face with our truth, our authentic self. Moses’s awe is well documented as is King David’s, yet, Joshua’s not so much, Judah’s dark night is shown and his change is also said out loud for all to see.
Johnny Mercer reminds us to “have faith or pandemonium liable to walk upon the scene”. He also calls out to We the People to “spread joy to the maximum, bring gloom down to the minimum” reminding us that both exist, just as Simon and Garfunkel remind us that both “the sound of silence” and “the neon light” both exist. It is up to We the People to decide which ones we are going to “Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate”.
The same is true for this month of Elul, both our ‘missing the mark’ and our ‘victories’ are true, and, when we allow ourselves to be moved by the “dark night of the soul”, when we don’t hide from the brightness of the “flash of neon light that split the night and touched the sound of silence” We the People are able to grow into the souls we are created to be, as Thomas Merton teaches us. When we “have faith” the “pandemonium” that does walk along is less likely to overtake our life script, our life style.
I know this to be true, I know the trembling awe of the “dark night of the soul”, the overwhelming experience of “the flash of neon light that split the night” and forced me to hear the sound of my soul, the voice of God, the call of decency and goodness, the vision of WTF had I been doing up to now, I knew right and did wrong, I was a mess and finally accepted it and I knew there was hope, so I began to study, to pray and my faith shut the door on the pandemonium that my alcoholism, my criminality kept stoking. Life is “bumpy, bumpy” for me as Rabbi Ed Feinstein describes in “The Holy Thief”, and, with the vision from “the flash of neon light” that I still receive, it always will be.
ACTION STEP:
How have you responded to the “dark night of the soul” you have experienced
Do you follow up on your “flash of neon light that split the night” or leave it
How are you living in the “both” making informed choices rather than the “or” and feeling trapped
God Bless, Stop Ghosting God, Ghosting Self, Rabbi Mark