Ghosting God, Ghosting Self
1st day of Elul
Today is the first day of Elul, yesterday was announcing the New Month. On this first day, I want to share a few thoughts. Elul is the month prior to Rosh HaShanah, getting us prepared to start a ‘new year’, in a sense. Tishrei, the name of the month that Rosh Hashanah is in, is actually the 7th month in the Hebrew Calendar. It was replaced as the first month by the month of Nissan, the month of our exodus from slavery in Egypt. Now, 6 months after being liberated, 3+ months after receiving the Torah at Mount Sinai, we are called to watch the video tape of the ways we lived in the past year(s) to see where we hit the mark and where we missed the mark. Hence, We the People are given Grace by God to repair the mistakes, enhance the goodness and make a plan for going forward, knowing we will always come back to this month, always watch the video tape, always repent, make a plan for restitution and repair, always see the goodness of being we are/live, and find ways to “accentuate the positive” while not being able to “eliminate the negative”, we can tone it down and “don’t mess with Mr. In-Between”!
Living “with mr. In-Between” could be the greatest of our ‘missing the mark’ because it means we are not willing to stand for what we believe, we are not willing to make a decision, we are not willing to leave our self-deception, our fear of ‘being wrong’, our fear of ‘having egg on our face’ and we are not willing to face God, to face “the person in the glass”. This is the tragedy of “mr. In-Between” and far TOO many of we the people are living here-hence Johnny Mercer’s song from 1944 is so relevant today. If Judaism had an English song to define, this one could be it. It encapsulates what this month of Elul is all about!
Putting this together with Simon and Garfunkel’s “Sounds of Silence” is a wonderful beginning to do the work of this month, to engage in the joy of darkness, the power of “the positive”, the jettisoning of “mr. In-Between” and, toning down “the negative”. What is “the vision” that is “softly creeping” and “left its seeds while I was sleeping”? Is it the vision of one who believes he/she is above the law, is it the vision of one who believes they never have to make an accounting of their Soul, a Chesbon HaNefesh? Is it the vision of one who has determined not only that they know God’s Will, what Jesus really meant by his words, they KNOW they are ABOVE God, ABOVE everyone else, and so narcissistic that they can not see the forest for the trees? Is your “vision softly creeping” and “left” the “seeds” of self-rightness, of self-adornment, of self always being on the ‘right’ side of issues and actions? Is your “vision softly creeping” one that shows the goodness and the power of when you “accentuate the positive” and the devastation and power of destruction when you don’t “eliminate(tone down) the negative” and the indifference and evil that you help to perpetrate when you “mess with Mr. In-Between”? Is this what keeps you tossing and turning at night? If it isn’t during this month, then you are STILL HIDING from the Truth of your existence, the Truth of how you are Ghosting God, the Truth of how you are Ghosting your Self!
Sitting down with pencil and paper, with a blank sheet on the computer, iPad, Phone, any tablet you have is the beginning, it is the only path on which to begin this journey from the past to the present in order to be clean, clear-eyed, ready, and excited for the future. I know because I am still doing it, I have been doing it for the past few weeks, to be honest. I sent a T’Shuvah to people and heard Crickets back, I asked someone to forward this T’Shuvah to a whole bunch of people and was told nope, I get it, I am old news, the people I knew before, most of them don’t want to hear me, -while sad and a little hurtful, I get it and accept it-don’t like it and accept it. Someone over the weekend asked me the worst thing about my retirement and I responded with: “the phone doesn’t ring” and I had an awareness that doing what I did/do well means the phone doesn’t have to ring, I taught people how to fish and that is good enough. The people I owe amends to, I have offered the requisite 3 times and I am clean. I am tossing and turning in my sleep, according to my Oura Ring, so I am still looking at the video tapes of this past year and the myriad of ones previous to this year. It is ugly at times, it is joyful at times. I understand and experience “in restless dreams I walked alone narrow streets of cobblestone”. Cobblestone streets are slippery and uneven, which is what I/We are engaging in this month, seeing the slippery slope we went down knowingly and unknowingly. And, this journey We the People have to “walk alone” because the “narrow streets” the streets of truth, of decency, of subtlety, of authenticity, of faith, of being Holy, etc. Each year, I walk these streets and, because of this practice, I walk these streets each day-to the best of my ability.
Action Step:
Begin a list of “the positive”, “the negative” and “mr. In-Between”
God Bless, Stop Ghosting God, Ghosting Self, Rabbi Mark