Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Day 214
“The self is always in danger of being submerged in anonymity, of becoming a thing. To celebrate is to contemplate the singularity of the moment and to enhance the singularity of the self. What was shall not be again”. (Who is Man pg. 115)
Our submerging into anonymity is so insidious and nuanced, we often don’t even realize it. It takes so many forms, too numerous and too unknown to any one individual to list. We sink into anonymity by becoming a human doing instead of being human, as Rabbi Heschel teaches. What does this mean in this context? I believe the most accepted and promoted path to “being submerged in anonymity” is our misguided belief that what we do is who we are. Our titles, our paychecks, our homes, our families all are ways we define our self and other selfs. We are described by our occupations, our roles and our bank accounts. We are mistakenly driven to ‘be the best’ in every thing we do and fall into the self-deception of believing our best is the same all the time. This begins in childhood, passed down by our parents, by society and we, in turn, pass these lies down to our children and the next generation.
Anonymity is, as I am understanding Rabbi Heschel today, the loss of a true self identity, the constant push to prove we are worthy, we are deserving of praise and the seeking of both praise and wealth along with power and prestige. This is a problem for us as individuals, for our communal groups (especially religious institutions) and for nations. Upon meeting someone, as adults, the usual questions are; “what do you do, where do you work, what is your family’s business, who do you know, etc.” We are setting up a transactional relationship from the beginning of our encounter and it takes a while to develop a deeper, connected relationship, if we do at all. Even college students are focused on who can help them move them forward to the ‘best’ job, career, home, investments, etc rather than who can help them grow internally, emotionally, spiritually. We have lost the art of being human in the need of ‘being somebody’.
This begins in childhood, as I said above. When we cry as infants, toddlers for whatever reason, even no reason, we are told “don’t cry baby” because we are unable to deal with the emotions of our children, especially the ones that are unspoken. We are taught that “you shouldn’t feel that way” from an early age as well. When we talk about dreams of being a _____(fill in the blank) and are laughed at, we begin to sink into anonymity. When we offer an opinion and are told “children should be seen and not heard” in a myriad of ways, we retreat into anonymity. When we make mistakes and we are told “God is going to punish you” and/or are afraid of the punishments of family, friends, society, we begin to lie and blame another and, most of all, hide our authentic self, hide our beingness and see the world, even family, as performance art rather than as welcoming our uniqueness, embracing our divine image and accepting our individuality.
There is a solution to this: reject the conditioning of our parents, our childhood and society in favor of the truth of our souls, our inner lives. Rebel against the tyranny of the anonymity and rebel towards the freedom of expression of one’s divine need, one’s divine truth and one’s much needed unique gifts. Opting out is not the answer any more than opting in and “being submerged in anonymity” is. The solution is to go through the birth canal of freedom, as the Israelites did when they went through the Red Sea, and find our true identity and ways to live as free, authentic selves bringing the best we have in any given moment, without comparison to any other moment. The solution is to throw off the shackles of conventional notions and the mental cliches we have adopted, the lies we have been telling ourselves, the mendacity of another(s) and the self-delusion/deception we have been operating under and create a covenant with our self to hear the call of our soul/inner life and fulfill, to the best of our ability in this moment, the demand of God, the needs of another and the needs of self.
In recovery this is the goal, this is the path. Rejecting old ideas, no longer having “contempt prior to investigation”, finding the real human being that is me by casting off the old lies, the old patterns is a life long endeavor. We know we will never fully ‘get there’ and we are aware that moving one grain of sand towards the ‘there” gives us a new freedom that motivates and exhilarates us.
I have always known this wisdom and not always lived it. I realize the subtle and not so subtle ways have ‘become a thing’ in my actions, my living and my thinking. I am relearning that I am me, whether I am here, there, anywhere and I am me whether I am embraced or rejected by another person, group and/or community. I am me and the only way to leave my anonymity, my “becoming a thing” is to live life out loud, give what I have and accept the gifts of another, especially you! I need to not make a caricature of myself, not apologize for being who I am and act according to the call of my soul and not the ways of being accepted and approved by another/society. I am rough, I am loud, I am abrasive, I am difficult, I am smart, I am caring, I am a loving, I am kind, etc. Being these ways are good and, at times, not so good, and when I deny these ways, deny these attributes, deny my authentic self, I submerge myself into anonymity, I become a thing and then I rebel, I act out and I screw up. Seeing this pattern is a blessing and I I am rededicating my self to being MY SELF. God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark