Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Year 2 Day 19
“The most unnoticed of all miracles is the miracle of repentance. It is not the same thing as rebirth; it is transformation, creation. In the dimension of time there is no going back. But the power of repentance causes time to be created backward and allows re-creation of the past to take place. Through the forgiving hand of God, harm and blemish which we have committed against the world and against ourselves will be extinguished, transformed into salvation.” (Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity)
As we enter Sukkot, the Holiday of Joy, these words of Rabbi Heschel are ringing in my ears, my mind, my soul. How can I/we be joyous without the power, the gift, of forgiveness? How can I/we be joyous without acknowledging my errors and my victories? How can I/we be joyous without transforming yesterday’s errors into today’s learning? How can I/we be joyous without self-forgiveness, without self-compassion, without inner joy?
One of the lies we tell ourselves is that if we ignore something, ‘forget’ about it, we will be free of it. This self-deception has ruined so many lives in so many ways because our inner life, our subconscious doesn’t ‘forget’ doesn’t ignore. We store these hurts and these errors a lot longer than we store our victories and our goodness, unfortunately. It is crucial for us to engage in T’Shuvah so we can move through our fog from “low-grade misery” and into the light of joy, into the openness of love.
Denying our errors seems to be hardwired in us, a child will deny they did something from fear of being punished. This behavior continues and grows until one day we are unable to be responsible for anything we and/or another(s) perceive as an error and either deny, blame, ignore, etc. We see this in our Governmental leadership, we see this in corporations that will pay fines and deny responsibility, we see this in relationships that are torn asunder, we see this in divorces, we see this in family relationships that fall apart. Yet, we continue to act in the same ways over and over again out of an erroneous belief that we will not be able to withstand the blows to our ‘fragile’ egos that awareness, acceptance of responsibility may bring. Rabbi Heschel’s wisdom above is the rebuttal of this conventional wisdom. Rabbi Heschel is calling to us to be maladjusted to these ideas and notions about T’Shuvah, about forgiveness.
To be truly joyous, we have to stop forgetting about the past and begin to transform it. We have to stop blaming and excusing ourselves and engage in the work of T’Shuvah so we can experience God’s forgiveness, the forgiveness of another(s) and forgive our selves. We do this be going through our past and seeing how we can use our errors and our victories as learnings, growing from both and repairing/maturing our souls and our minds to be one grain of sand better today than yesterday. We have to stop ignoring our past and be present in today by going through rather than leaving our past.
We have to realize that every one has a part in errors, every one of us has a part in redemption, every one of us is needed to bring about forgiveness. Each and every one of us is in need of forgiveness, redemption and connection with God, with one another and with nature. We all are imperfect beings and, in God’s ‘eyes’, we are all redeemable, we are all worthy of forgiveness, we are all loveable. It is up to us to, as Rabbi Heschel says earlier in this particular piece of wisdom, to restore the “kingly dignity” to God, to one another. Only by engaging in this way of being can true joy envelop us, can joy become our new address and can we leave the “low-grade misery” of our past. Only by engaging in redemption, in forgiveness can we move forward and use our past errors as learnings and stepping stones to taking our rightful place in life, to waking up each day with gratitude, excitement and going to sleep with contentment and joy.
In recovery, our 6th and 7th steps, to me, reflect Rabbi Heschel’s wisdom above. By being ready for and asking God to remove our shortcomings and character traits that are out of proper measure(my interpretation), we are also asking for God’s forgiveness and acknowledging God’s desire, ability and action of extinguishing our blemishes and transforming them into salvation, as Rabbi Heschel teaches us. We, in recovery, are living examples of Rabbi Heschel’s brilliance above.
I find myself in a liminal state, I am in the middle of another metamorphosis, not knowing where it will lead and where I will land. I am, however, once again a recipient of God’s forgiveness and love. I am cleansed of the negativity of the past through T’Shuvah and God’s acceptance of it, even if another(s) doesn’t. Rabbi Heschel’s words have permeated me this year in a different way than in past years; rather than needing everyone to forgive me, like me, I have come to a new realization. I have made T’Shuvah for past errors, I have learned much about me from them and, to the best of my ability, repaired my inner life so they occur less often and with less intensity and this is the best I can do in this moment. Knowing this, accepting this moves me to a place of allowing God’s forgiveness to be enough when another(s) can’t. I hope and pray that one day everyone will be able to ask for and receive forgiveness from one another as God does for us each and every day. This is the path to embracing the Joy of Sukkot for me. God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark