Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Day 92
“God is unwilling to be alone, and man cannot forever remain impervious to what He longs to show. Those of us who cannot keep their striving back find themselves at times within the sight of the unseen and become aglow with its rays. Some of us blush, others wear a mask. Faith is a blush in the presence of God.” (Man is Not Alone pg. 91)
Rabbi Heschel is calling us to decide, would we rather be in “the sight of the unseen” and be seen, warts and all, or would we rather hide from God, most, if not all, people, and ourselves? This is the question each one of us has to come face to face with and make our own individual decision about. Of course, the decision is revocable, we can put masks on, take them off, experience the blush of being seen and known, hide behind the curtain often and at will depending on situations and on our fears/desires.
Wearing a mask is a statement of disbelief in oneself! It is a statement of disbelief in the basic goodness of human beings and a disbelief in the power of healing and love of the Ineffable One. Disbelief in the power of healing and love of the Ineffable One is a common and, in some ways, makes sense. We cannot see, feel tactilely, touch, readily hear, or smell the Ineffable One. We attribute so much of healing and love to either humanity and/or nature forgetting how we came to be created, the One who created nature and put love into the world. We are willing to give credit to a doctor, to a lover, to a kind person, to the natural healing ability of the body, etc rather than realize the Source to Whom all credit can and needs to be shown. Not that the other entities mentioned are not part of the process of healing and love; rather they get their abilities, their sensitivities and their inner attributes originally from the Ineffable One. We know this because so often, healers come up with solutions that are not in text books, are not taught in schools, they are solutions to situations that used to baffle us and our predecessors. Yet, having a Eureka moment, we discover a new solution. We have witnessed this so often in life; Polio Vaccine, wearing Gloves when performing surgery, Transplant surgery, Vaccines for Malaria, Measles, Flu, Covid-19, technological advances etc. Wearing a mask and hiding/being impervious to the Ineffable One causes us to disbelieve in the root structure and nature of our world and a way of living that honors our humanness.
Wearing a mask is one’s way of saying they do not trust their being with another. We put on facades and show another person what we think they want to see and/or only what we want to show them. Showing another person what we think they want to see is for our personal gain. It is the way of the “con” and the “grifter”. Many people cannot understand why someone would be a “con/grifter” all the while hiding from most people/everyone behind their facade/mask. People create false selves to gain power, to make money, to join the ‘in’ crowd and/or the ‘out’ crowd. We wear a mask to pretend we are someone/something we are not for our gain and, often, a loss for someone else. When our mask is only what we want to show someone it is a statement of our disbelief in another person. We do not believe we can trust them to be honest and real, we believe they are ‘out to get us’ and will take what we have from us, and we don’t trust them with our truth and our vulnerabilities; fearing they will use them against us. We wear a mask to protect ourselves against losing what we have and being used by another. The masks and facades we wear in our person interactions continue to deny us the connection we crave and the opportunity to love another human being with our authentic self and to be loved by another human being for who we really are. Masks and facades promote the “imposter” syndrome so many people have; “if you really knew who I was, you would run away from me’ is a constant inner dialogue for many people and they believe this lie so much, they continue to hide.
In recovery, our mask is the first thing that has to be removed by us. We cannot be in recovery without dropping the facade and the mask. Many people do not remain in recovery because they cannot drop the mask for any length of time, they put the mask back on, they rebuild or build anew a facade they think works and return to the ways of living that brought the pain of their past back and these ways of living were the reasons for seeking out recovery in the first place. The lure of the mask and the fear of the blush are too strong for some and it is sad to see the pain, the death and the devastation these masks bring to all involved.
Prior to recovery, I was mostly masked. I put up a facade that fooled people for a while and fooled me for longer. One of the masks that I wore was ‘better than’ mask to hide the ‘not good enough’ dialogue in my inner life. In my recovery, I realize I put that mask on at times and it harmed me and the people around me. Letting go of the ‘not good enough’ dialogue has been difficult when my past is used against me, when I not seen for who I am and spoken of in a negative manner; ‘he’s not a real Rabbi, he can only deal with ‘those people’. In writing this, I realize my putting the mask on to hide my inner dialogue was my believing their lies and hiding from God and not trusting in God which brought me deep pain and anguish. Only by being seen by the Ineffable One have I been able to heal. Putting on the masks prevented me from hearing truth and receiving the love that truth, rebuke, connection bring. I am sad and apologize for any harm my masks have brought and I commit to keeping them off. Stay safe and God Bless, Rabbi Mark