Daily Prophets
Day 216
“Jonah left the city and found a space east of the city, He made a Sukkah there, sat under it for shade to see what happened to the city. God provided a ricinus plant…to give shade for his head and save him from discomfort. Jonah was very happy. God provided a worm which attacked the plant and it withered…Jonah begged for death, saying I would rather die than live.”(Jonah 4:5-8).
In the first verses above, Jonah is not interested in staying around, giving counsel to the people or the king, he just wants to stand apart and above the fray to watch the destruction. There is a term that Harriet and I use: Relationship Arsonist. This is the person who creates tension and hatred between two people and watches the relationship blow up. This is a person who revels in watching people destroy themselves by ensuring they are constantly and consistently afraid to trust, afraid to connect and afraid there is something inherently wrong with them. Jonah wanted to deliver God’s message and then sit away from the city and witness the destruction. As we get closer to Kol Nidre, instead of just reciting the annulment of vows, this year lets recite an annulment of our need to watch the destruction of another(s) with glee. As we recite the short and long confessionals on Kol Nidre, let's confess to the ways we have caused strife and fire between two people, the ways we have been relationship arsonists and reveled in the chaos, hurt and not cared about the collateral damage.
On Yom Kippur during the morning confessionals, let's confess the myriad of ways we have been like Jonah, sitting in comfort, out of the hot sun, watching and waiting for the destruction of things we did not build, and were jealous of. In the morning confessionals, let’s confess to the ways we have destroyed our ability to have empathy, divine pathos/rachmones, compassion and pain at the destruction of relationships of families, communities and, the world with one another and with God. On Yom Kippur morning, let’s confess to the negative speech/gossip we engage in to destroy another person’s character, goodness, helpfulness, accomplishments, etc. just to feel superior and better about ourselves.
How often have we been happy when we have been provided what we need, like Jonah was provided with the plant by God. He never acknowledged God in his pleasure nor did he realize he was being an entitled person. On Yom Kippur morning, let’s confess to the ways we have acted entitled, been angry when our entitlement is not fulfilled, and set fire, or tried to set fire, to the goodness of another and the goodness of an institution. On Yom Kippur, let’s confess to the myriad of times we have spoken badly about the Rabbi’s sermon and/or the Cantor’s melodies or voice just to feel superior when we could do neither role, just to bond with another negative person, rather than being moved by both the liturgy and the messages of the Rabbi.
Entitlement brings a lot of pain when it is suddenly taken away from us. Jonah is so angry, upset, grieved for the plant when it is taken away, he becomes faint and just wants to die, rather than ask for help from God, take shelter under the sukkah again, go to the town and seek shelter, etc. Isn’t this the way many of us are? To mitigate this pain, we get angry, lash out against someone, no matter whether they had a part in our entitlement not being fulfilled or not, and then we are so dramatic and taken with ourselves and our pain, we threaten to die or at least say we want to. This is a ploy people use to get what they want, when they want it, from the people most likely to give in. Many of us use this type of threat, the threat of litigation so they can get a payday, the threat of scandal/exposure of lies that are believable and/or the imperfections of another person/institution and/or government. On Yom Kippur morning, let’s confess to the ways our entitlement has caused us to be ungrateful and unmindful of the blessings God and another(s) have given us. On Yom Kippur morning, let’s confess to the ways we coerced another to fulfill our entitlement issues even when they didn’t want to/knew it was wrong to do.
In recovery, after trying to kill ourselves for so long, we know we are not entitled to anything except the day we have and to do the most with it that we can. We wake up every morning grateful to be alive, thankful for what we have and seek to be of service to another(s) rather than seeking people to be of service to us. In recovery, we let go of our need to be relationship arsonists. We seek to help another and when they rebuff us, we pray for them and we welcome them back when they return.
I have been Jonah prior to my recovery, I have released my need to see someone else fall a long time ago. When I see it and I reach out and am rebuffed, rather than “I told you so” my response has been and is: “I am so sorry, how can I help?” I have made the confessions I wrote about above and the one I still have to make for this year is: “I am sorry God that I did not hear your call and respond to it quicker. I am sorry God that I engaged in being willfully blind to what was going on around me. In this year and all coming years, my commitment to you, God, is to keep my eyes and ears open and see what is, not what I want to see. I am grateful for all You have provided me with and will use it better in this year and forward”. Stay safe and God Bless, Rabbi Mark