Ghosting God, Ghosting Self
Day 122
Continuing with the missing the marks that the Ashamnu Prayer delineates, one that always intrigues me is “Tafalnu Sheker”, “we have practiced deceit” is the translation in the Mahzor I use, another translation is “we have accused falsely”. The more I am engaged in ‘getting older’, ie wiser I hope, the more subtleties do I realize about these “missing the marks” that We the People say each year and, unfortunately, pay no real attention to! Can you imagine the changes that could come about, the returns the prophets cried out for begin to happen if we the people would stop, hear ourselves say these words, listen to another(s) say these words, and understand the implications, what this admission is really all about? Sitting here this morning, immersing myself in these two words strikes me with the realization that the Jews in the Pews, while confessing this “missing the mark” are still committing it! WTF, People!
As we the people are saying these words and not hearing them in our being, not listening to nor understanding the wide range these two words encompass, ignoring the myriad of ways both covertly and overtly we the people “practice deceit”, “accuse another falsely” makes we the people liars, and, I believe, sinners in the worst possible ways-following the pattern of Josef Goebbels, “accuse another of that which you are guilty of”, claiming “optics” to validate bad behavior, using the vulnerabilities of another against them, taking unfair advantage just because you can, allowing knowingly innocent people to die because they have had “due process”, spreading the cancer of prejudice in order to have power and because of fear that what the white man did to everyone else, they will do to them, etc. And we the people go deaf to these two words as we speak them 5 times on Kol Nidre and Yom Kippur, beginning with the Mincha Service on the day of Kol Nidre!
I am wondering how Jared Kushner goes and sits in Shul all day on Yom Kippur, says these words over and over again and continues to screw anyone and everyone he can, abusing the ‘position’ he has because his father-in-law (who is a Jew-Hater, a woman-hater, a Muslim Hater, a Racist, etc) gives him cover to engage in “Tafalnu Sheker”! Is he really this oblivious? Are We the People this oblivious? I think about the Clergy who are leading the services, are they this oblivious as they rail against the Arabs in the West Bank, as they promote Israel is always right, “poor Israel”, and “practices of deceit” like “We are One People”, “The People Israel Live”, as if Jews were ever a monolith, except for maybe under King David, Jews have been at odds with one another forever AND, we the Jewish People share a history, share a faith, share a way of being that we all practice in our own way.
Trump, Vance, the Republicans, AOC, Bernie, Chuck, the Democrats all practice deceit and try to cover it up with ‘they are worse than we are’ bullshit. I understand Rabbi Heschel’s statement about politicians not being trustworthy and Statesmen/Stateswomen being the finest of leaders. This “accusing falsely” has reached great heights in the past 11 years, in the past 30+ years since Gingrich took over the House and made politics into a war zone and, as people like to say, “all is fair in love and war”, so whatever deceit one wants to practice is good in the eyes of those “fine white christian male and female nationalists’ who misquote and misuse the words of the Bible, the words and deeds of Christ. Yet, the Jews among the Republicans and Democrats will go to Temples and Synagogues around the country and ‘confess’ to the sin of “Tafalnu Sheker” and not think it applies to them.
The more I write, the more I am engaged and enraged at this truth, the more I am searching my own self to see if I still ‘confess’ falsely, if I still say what I have to in order to get the heat off and not pay attention to my words. I can say not too much and I know I still do so my search in these next 12 days is to find those places and root them out, make my amends and change the patterns. I have worked hard to not “practice deceit” in these 39+ years since my recovery, my return began in a Jail Cell in Van Nuys, Ca. I still do, however, practice it with Harriet when I hide my smoking from her, when I forget to tell her something, when I don’t bother to share with her. I know the deceit about the smoking is because I should not be and I keep stopping and picking it back up, the rest I don’t do on purpose and, as we spoke about yesterday, I have to be more aware of. I am not as concerned about the root of the problem, where it comes from as I am in the solution-speaking up more, sharing more, and NOT HIDING! Confessing this sin, realizing how far reaching this action is, how subtlety I can practice it, is giving me new insight into self and another(s), it is giving me the courage to admit all my flaws, my “missing the marks” out loud so you can also, or at least admit them to your self, so that all of We the People can be responsible to not buy into the deceit of another, not buy into the self-deceptions we practice.
ACTION STEP:
Ask yourself how you “practice deceit and accuse another falsely”
Write down the ways you “practice deceit” within your self
How are you not hearing the sins of another, the sins of self during the confessional?
God Bless, Stop Ghosting God, Ghosting Self, Rabbi Mark