Ghosting God, Ghosting Self
Day 103
“Fools, said I, You do not know Silence, like a cancer, grows.” This is how the fourth verse of “Sound of Silence” begins and it is entirely appropriate for this 5th day of Elul. We the People have an obligation to our SELF, to take stock of the “cancer” that has grown within us, to see the ways we the people have allowed it to metastasize in our minds, our hearts, and how this “cancer” of “silence” is trying to enter our souls! While Jesus is quoted as saying: “Forgive them Father, for they do not know”, in the case of human beings, in the case of we the people, we can claim no such ignorance, before Paul Simon wrote this song, some 62 years ago, the Bible, the New Testament, Jesus, Moses, King David, the prophets all railed about “silence” in the face of inhumanity, “silence” in the midst of cruelty, “silence” while being surrounded by deceit, thievery, and deception. Yet, throughout the history of humanity, we the people, have lived in “silence”, in “quiet desperation”.
This 5th day of Elul 5786, when we are 1/8th of the way to Yom Kippur, is, hopefully, the day We the People begin to fight our way out of the “silence” that has prevented us from living in the light, living in a way that is congruent with the soul we are created to be, living the melody of the inner life that is uniquely ours. This day, HaYom, can be the day when we realize that “darkness” is “my old friend”, not because of the depression one may experience, rather because “darkness” comes before the light of God, the Spirit of God in the creation of the world and, I posit, in all creations. “Darkness” is the signal that something new is at hand, that the chaos and emptiness We the People have been experiencing is over and our mission is to reach up, down, out, to the Ineffable One, to the soul of another human being, to the higher consciousness of our intuitive mind and experience the “Or HaGanuz”, the same Light that God says “Let there Be” and “there was”.
As long as we the people allow the “cancer” of “silence” to grow, as long as we the people spread this “cancer” to children, to family, to friends, to allies, to enemies, the “Light” cannot come through. Hence “darkness, my old friend” is crucial to our growing up and out, going through and reaching up to find God, to find the authentic self we are created to be-by no means perfect, by no means not having to do this next Elul, even the day after Yom Kippur, just that by making “darkness, my old friend”, we the people stop the “cancer” of “silence” from growing and metastasize! I believe this is the goal of Elul, this is the goal of the prophets, this is the goal of T’Shuvah; stop the “cancer” of “silence” from growing.
It takes many forms this “cancer” of “silence”, one form is denial in the face of proof, watching the video tape, the pictures of the errors we have made, the standing “silently” by the blood of our neighbors, offering our children up to the idol Moloch through helping them stay in “silence” of what they are witnessing, denial of the commandment to “proclaim freedom throughout the land and to all its inhabitants therein” because we want power, wealth, etc. The ways in which we engage in “silence” are too numerous to delineate here, We the People find new and inventive ways to rationalize to our Selves our “silence”, ‘what will the neighbors think’ is an old one that my father, Jerry Borovitz, z”l, once said: “I don’t give a damn”. And, as much as I love my father, he too fell prey to the “cancer” of “silence” and it might have contributed to his way too early death.
We the People do not need to suffer in this “cancer”, this 5th day of Elul, hell the entire month, the entire 40 days gives us the Grace, the Compassion to END OUR “SILENCE” and vanquish this “cancer” from our being. As the saying goes, “IT AIN’T EASY” and it is doable. The more We the People reveal our Self to our Self, the more comfortable we become living in our skin, the more we are willing to uncover the truths about our Self that we have been hiding from, tamping down, afraid of and unwilling to go and be with “darkness, my old friend”, that is healthy rather than the darkness that is debilitating, depressing, enraging, and causes us to hide more, to live in too many of the ways that we are commanded not to be! This is the difference between “darkness, my old friend” and the “darkness” of shame, of hiding, of blame, of fear. The difference is just being revealed to me as I write this. “Darkness” is not the problem, our use of it is!
Looking at my life through this lens, I am shuddering at my own ignorance of this distinction, even though I know that distinctions are necessary if we are to have a true and clear picture of what is, to fully live in radical amazement. I am more aware of the nuances and subtleties of “silence”and the “cancer” it grows because of today’s writing.
ACTION STEP:
Do an inventory of the “silences” and the “cancers” within you
God Bless, Stop Ghosting God, Ghosting Self, Rabbi Mark