Ghosting God, Ghosting Self
Day 81
Every morning I wake with gratitude for being alive! I realize that much of longevity is due to God’s Grace and I have to honor the Grace shown to me by giving the same Grace to another. I call it Divine Pathos, the ability to have compassion for another(s) when what I want to do is scream and yell at them to wake them up! During my prison stints, it was more bravado and fear than it was any sense of pathos, confidence, or… In my recovery, my yelling and screaming was the frustration that I have felt when I get something, it seems so simple to me and another(s) person(s) are oblivious. The fact that I was oblivious for so long and I wanted to spare another person from suffering the same consequences as I did for staying in oblivion for so long factored in greatly. Over the years, my yelling and screaming became a ‘part of the shtick’ and I indulged it and this was wrong! Most of the people I was interacting with needed to hear things in the way I was presenting them and some did not. For this I am sorry. Most of the people I was dealing with knew my dedication to their recovery, to them living well and some did not. For this I am also sorry. I opened myself up to criticism and scorn by my way of being and, while I am deeply remorseful to those who feel I harmed them, I do not apologize for being who I am! I am starting today’s blog off in this manner because it is Tisha B’Av, the day we recall the destructions that happened to Jews, supposedly just because we are Jews, and for me I have to remember the destructions I caused to Jew and non-Jew alike. I have to recall, amend, restore the dignity to the people who believe I destroyed a part of them. I am making this amend now, not to people who want to use my vulnerabilities against me, to the people who were actually harmed by my actions, to those who did not see, to whom I did not make clear my motives, my goals, and to those whom I did not hear how to speak to them-I am sorry.
In order to Stop Ghosting God, Stop Ghosting Self, we the people, as individuals and as groups are being called upon to remember the destructions we have caused, the dignities we have stolen, the devaluing of another human being(s) we have participated in, engendered. It is crucial for We the People to come to grips with the Donald J Trump inside of us, the liar and the grifter, the deceiver and the irresponsible parts of ourselves and ensure that they do not run us AT ALL! We the People have to see how we are to combat the Hegseth’s, the Lutnick’s, the Voughts, the Ben G’Vir’s around us and within us. It is no longer okay(it never was) to stand on the sidelines and complain, it is not okay now nor has it ever been to “stand idly by the blood of your neighbor”. It is not okay nor has it ever been to treat the stranger as a criminal, as a slave, “because you were strangers in the Land of Egypt” and they took us in at our lowest state-famine, death were staring Jacob and the boys in the face! The people in charge are the descendants of immigrants, of STRANGERS-instead of being grateful that “as a stranger in a strange land” they were given an opportunity to grow and flourish rather than be conscripted, enslaved, be subject to the whims of the king!
Saudi Arabia is getting nuclear power, maybe it is a quid pro quo for helping Jerrod Kushner-who knows. Iran is still shooting missiles and being bombed mercilessly-there are no good guys in this fight. Trump is lying about elections, Rubio is lying about Cuba, Hegseth is lying about the war in Iran, Miller is lying about the ‘immigrant’ problem, and the Republicans in Congress are kissing Trump’s ass, what else is new. The Democrats response is to support the fascist wing of their party instead of having solutions that respect the dignity and worth of all people, not just their ‘underdog of the month’. AND, none of these factions nor their clergy, their churches, their synagogues are calling them to account. Hence WE THE PEOPLE must!
We the People can call another to account only after we hold ourselves to account. What better day than today-Tisha B’Av? While the month of Elul doesn’t begin for another 21 days, getting a jump on the T’Shuvah’s, the amends we have to make is not a bad idea. Once we look at the destructions we have caused, dealt with them internally, have a plan for the amend/restitution, and a plan how not to keep repeating these ways, it is much easier to live with the Divine Pathos I mentioned earlier. It becomes a ‘natural state’ for many of us. This is the challenge, this is the cure, this is where the fountain of strength, youth, wisdom, kindness, truth, love, justice emerges from. Will you drink from this fountain or keep drinking the kool-aid of Trump, Vought, Hegseth, Lutnick, and the rest of those ‘good male white christian nationalists’?
Action Step:
Write down the destructions you have caused and how to make an amend
Write down the destructions you have been victim to and how they can no longer run your life
GOD BLESS, STOP GHOSTING GOD, GHOSTING SELF, Rabbi mark