Ghosting God, Ghosting Self
Day 49
There have always been two conflicting inner experiences for me, ever since I can remember: 1) righteous anger at the state of things, the way people treat people, standing for the voiceless and powerless, etc-even to the point of getting into fights at school; 2) deep fear of not being with ‘the in crowd’, not being liked, not being seen. These two opposing forces have been fighting forever within me and, I am elated to report, force #1 has won out for the past 39+ years! I know I am not unique in this experience, I know that most people have some conflicting inner experiences and I also know that most of We the People refuse to deal with them, go to shrinks for them and have these natural human experiences turned into some pathogical issue that a ‘pill’ can mitigate, treat, heal. BULLSHIT!
Another phrase from Homeboy Industries and Father Greg Boyle is: “nothing stops a bullet like a job” and my theory/thesis today is: “nothing loads a gun like hiding from our humanity, our inner life, our war within”. Using Trump, the Republicans, the right and left extremes as examples is just too easy. My goal today and everyday is for We the People to look at ourselves and stop pointing at another(s) to deflect the truth we all need to face. It is imperative for We the People to realize that the Bible never asks for us to be perfect! This constuct of society, this societal norm is killing all of us, it is preventing great works of art from being painted, sculpted, built because ‘if it isn’t perfect what does that say about me’ and ‘how can I show my face after this mistake/no one will forgive me nor forget that I am a fuck-up’ are so prevelant in our society and have been adopted as a “societal norm”, one which We the People have to become maladjusted to so We can have “an authentic awareness of that which (truly) is”, Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel’s definition of radical amazement/wonder.
To quote Howard Beale from the movie Network: “I am mad as Hell and I can’t take it anymore. We the People say this not as a sign of suicide or surrendering to these societal norms, rather as a statement of intent, an MOU(memorandum of understanding), that declares our fidelity to BEING HUMAN. Our fidelity to the principles of the Bible, of Jesus, to care for one another, to love one another, to make sure those without sight are not made fun of by putting a stumbling block before them and this is not just people who are physically blind, it is for anyone and everyone who is blind to the truth, to the “authentic awareness of that which is”.
I am mad as hell, I won’t take it anymore and I am asking you to join me in battling the inner demons that stop we the people from joining in the fight against cruelty, against love, against helping another human being in their struggle to BE FREE! There can be NO FREEDOM without engaging in and winning this battle between the action of standing up, of living in and with the righteous anger of the prophets and settling, doing what is politically correct, going along to get along. Freedom, as the Bible teaches us in Exodus 6:6 (one of God’s promises) is to free us from both the outer and inner slavery of Egypt(narrowness/narrow places) and the bondage of the Egyptians(needing to go along, refusing to deal with our inner life and hear the call of our souls). This is the CALL I am issuing to all of We the People. Stand up, respond to the war within and find the path to making the world a little better rather than going along to make it worse.
Hosea 12:7 calls out to us to be mad as hell, in my opinion with the demand to: “turn to your God, kindness and justice you must guard and trust in God continuously.” Just as the prophets lived this demand from God, so too do. we the people have to also. I know the risks of doing this, I know the political fallout, the fear of losing one’s job, one’s friends, one’s place in the community-I have experienced it all and, looking back on these past 39+ years of “turning to God”, the only regrets I have are when I looked the other way, when I was afraid not to “go along to get along” and I am proud of, grateful for the Serenity/Clarity and the Grace God has given me to stand up and “damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead”. Not that I was right all the time, not that I did not cause hurt feelings, rather-I won the war between fighting the fight for what is good and right and hiding, being fearful, selling my soul. I am sorry for the hurt feelings, I am not sorry for standing up for principles, for truth, which is the ultimate kindness and justice, in my opinion.
ACTION STEPS:
write down and look at the myriad of ways you hide from yourself and decide if these paths are good for your spiritual life or not
determine the ways you are joining in the very actions that are counter to kindness, justice, love, mercy, clarity, truth and ask yourself if these are truly the ways you want to live
GET FUCKING MAD AS HELL
GET MALADJUSTED and live into radical amazement
Join in the march to freedom, the battles of our inner lives and stop trying to find the ‘pill’ that will make it all good without effort.
GOD BLESS, STOP GHOSTING GOD, GHOSTING SELF, Rabbi Mark