Ghosting God, Ghosting Self
Day 15
There is an inner war within all of us, a battle between what we “know in our soul/guts” and what our minds are telling us. Sarah is an archetype of this war when she gives her handmaid, Hagar, to Abraham so he can have an heir and then gets so enraged when she gets pregnant and treats her so badly, Hagar runs away. This war within seems almost schizophrenic, like we have dual personalities, and psychology has given this spiritual condition a name, bipolar. The drug companies love this because they have a new drug to push on we the people for this ‘disorder’. The need to pathologize normal human reactions, conditions, is how science wants to ignore the truth of the Bible, the solution offered by spiritual disciplines, and make a LOT of money! The last thing science wants is for We the People to be connected to the spiritual forces present in the world, to use the angels that are “going up and down” on Jacob’s ladder, to live into the meaning of what an Israelite is: a God-wrestler.
Science is an important part of living well, the words above are not to degrade nor despise science, they are to remind us that, just as any one religion is not the “be all/end all” neither is science! Psychology is an important tool in the maturation of a human being AND spirituality, maturing the spirit, hearing the soul within us is also an important tool in the maturation of a human being. Sarah, after having given her husband a gift got jealous, probably because Abraham started hanging out with Hagar A LOT! The pretty young woman was more fun, didn’t know him as well as Sarah did, and adored/worshiped him, maybe, and he was ‘tired’ of Sarah and her advice, her wisdom, her nagging, her complaining. What is interesting in this story is we don’t hear nor see the inner conflicts of Abraham except with regard to Sodom/Gomorrah and when Ishmael and Hagar are banished by Sarah. In regards to Sarah, who he pimps out twice, and Isaac, we hear no dialogue indicating he had any conflicts at the ways he treated them both! Talk about Ghosting God, even while talking to God! This is the trap many of us fall into-prayer, meditation are important parts of our daily life AND we treat women as second-class citizens, we practice our prejudices against Blacks, Hispanics, Jews, Asians, ie anyone NOT white, never seeing the incongruence of our actions vis a vis our supposedly being “fine christian folk, good temple going Jews, devout muslims”! I ask, once again WHAT THE FUCK?
This inner war, this wrestling with God, with our inclinations is not pathological, it is not something to be ashamed of, it is not something to drink over, to lie about, to hide, etc. The inner war is to celebrated, to be spoken about, to seek spiritual help for, to “stay in the ring” and not be defeated, no matter how many rounds we have to go;)! What our religious education has forgotten to inform us about: Sarah is not an anomaly, she is no more flawed that the rest of us. Abraham is not some ‘prefect example’ of right living, he is no more flawed than the rest of us either. Yet, too many of we the people engage in whitewashing Abraham, making Sarah’s mistreatment of Hagar okay, and, in doing so, miss the lesson of incongruence, miss the lesson of imperfections not making us bad, miss the lesson of engaging in the inner war-if a situation doesn’t give us pause to discern the next right thing to do, then we are probably not engaging our spirit in finding the solution!
I am calling out all my colleagues, Jewish or not, who are unable to engage in the inner war themselves, who constantly “need to look good”, who are teaching the way of perfection, the goal of perfection. What they should be teaching is how to deal with the inner battles between the rational mind and the intuitive mind, how to deal with the opposing inclinations that are given to us by God, and the spirituality of imperfection and the importance of T’Shuvah. Yet, they continue to blow right by these basic human needs, these gifts God has given us- SO SAD and INFURIATING!! I know the power of T’Shuvah, I know the joy of dealing with my inner battles, and I know the hard work of finding the spirituality within my imperfections! It is not easy, I am blessed that I had a spiritual awakening because of being arrested AGAIN in December of 1986, being gifted with Rabbi Mel Silverman to help me learn during incarceration, Rabbis Jonathan Omer-man and Ed Feinstein as mentors ever since.
ACTION STEPS:
Write down the times you felt any angst over a decision/situation you were in
Write down the times you have beaten yourself up, demeaned your self-image because you are not perfect, you didn’t “get it right”
Make a list of the time you have ignored your soul’s/gut intuition’s messages
Do your mentors, guides KNOW your soul so they can help you grow spiritually as well as intellectually, in business, etc?
Do you KNOW the soul of the people you sponsor, guide, mentor?
GOD BLESS and STOP GHOSTING GOD, SELF, Rabbi Mark