Ghosting God, Ghosting Self
Day 31
America is bombing Iran, again after saying a deal was close. Israel is bombing Hezbollah because Trump gave Netanyahu permission, evidently. We just commemorated the offering that our military people gave so We the People can live free, saying “Happy Memorial Day”. This got me wondering, what is “happy” about Memorial Day? The original name for this day was “Decoration Day” to decorate the graves of the soldiers lost in the Civil War as a way of honoring their offering of “their last full measure”. Unfortunately, given the reign of chaos, terror, ignorance, cruelty that this “great nation” that is supposed to be a “government of the people, by the people, for the people” and “shall not perish from this earth” is putting this dream, this vision, this idea/ideal of the founding fathers and each successive generation in grave danger!
It is a custom, with some Jews, to offer a prayer, a statement at the time of death, on the anniversary of the death of a loved one: “HaMakom YiNachem”, which means “God will comfort you”. A lot of people add “may” to the beginning of this phrase, which is the same people do to a lot of blessings when the “may” is not in the phrase, the blessing. What these two words tell us and the mourner is: we cannot give you the comfort you need from our rational minds, from our facts and figures, we can only sit with you, hold you, connect with you and together seek the wisdom and way forward, not out of grief, the way forward to live without this person you/we love so much. To every mourner, each day is Memorial Day, for the last 60+ years, my father’s memory, his wisdom, his calling for me to be one grain of sand better each day has nagged at me, given me bad conscience when I was screwing up and embracing me since I am doing well.
“God comforts you” is a way of putting order to the chaos of death, to chaos of living without this important person in our lives, to the immense sense of being alone. It is a refusal to give in to the cruelty of vengeance, to the need to be right, to the need to blame and shame, to the seeking of injustice, to the need to hate. This is what is missing today here in the US and in Israel-a refusal to Hate, to Cruelty, to Blame and Shame, to promoting and bragging about Injustices Trump, Netanyahu, et al are perpetrating with glee and reckless abandon. Really BIBI, Really Ben G’Vir, you whom are descendants of the people who “wrote the book”, who taught us how to behave no matter who was the physical leader of where we live, who coined the phrase “God comforts You” are perpetuating hate, cruelty, dehumanization of another(s)? I understand Trump doing this because all his life he has cared about himself alone, sought to be rich, sought to have people kiss his ass, wanted to be a Mafia don, and now he is Capo D’Tutti, the head man and his evil inclination, which was always on display, has free reign, hence the back and forth with Iran, the need to show how strong he is, the decisions he makes based on who is pumping him up at this moment. But you, Netanyahu, YOU ARE A JEW and MORE IS EXPECTED OF YOU! It is not about turning the other cheek, it is ABOUT REJECTING CRUELTY! It is about not being like the “other nations”, it is about representing the Kindness, Truth, Justice, Love, Compassion, etc that God promotes, that God teaches us to have, and the Loyalty to Principles that the Prophets remind us of each day! You have screwed the pooch BIG TIME, Bibi and Israel, like the US, will take a while to recover from your corruption, your lies, your destruction of freedoms, your hateful actions towards the Images of God that Palestinians represent!
When we allow for “God comfort You” to overtake us as visitors to the mourners, as mourners ourselves, a change happens. I no longer needed to blame society for my father’s premature death at 42, I no longer needed to be angry that I was alone with no one to understand/“get me”. Rather, I became and grow in gratitude that Jerry was my dad, that I got to learn from him and still am talking to him, that my siblings and I have good relationships, that I am connected to my wife and daughter in close and loving ways. “God comforts You” whenever you open yourself to the healing powers of the universe, when we the people become ready and willing to be comforted because the anger, the getting even, the cruelty, is not serving us at all. It is like the family who, after the guilty verdict, are happy that justice has been done AND they are still not whole, the hole in their soul that their loved one filled is still empty. When and if We the People allow “God comforts You” to make an impression upon us, to hold the hand of the people who offer nothing but comfort in whatever way you need it-the hole starts to get smaller because, like my experience with my father (who was a veteran of WWII) our loved one never leaves!
ACTION STEPS:
Each day, write down the moments, experiences when you allowed ‘God comfort You” to help you out of the morass you feel you are in
Each day, ask yourself is you are honoring the memory of our deceased loved ones or not
God Bless and STOP GHOSTING GOD, GHOSTING SELF! Rabbi Mark