Ghosting God, Ghosting Self
Day 21
“Am I your favorite” is a refrain that evey child says, every friend asks, every student desires, every employee seeks, etc, etc. It is as old as the story of Cain and Abel. The name Abel means “mist”, so the idea that one could be God’s ‘favorite’ is RIDICULOUS! Just as seeking “favorite one” status is insane, it is even crazier to seek it from Donald J Trump as Rubio and Vance are doing, as Lindsey Graham is doing. Rather, we the people should take a lesson from Zelensky and Ukraine, Europe, etc and ignore Trump, ignore Netanyahu, ignore Putin and fight for what is right and good. It is written in the Talmud, Avot 1:3: “Antigonus said: Be not like servants who serve their master expecting a reward, be like servants who serve their master without expecting a reward”. Yet, how often do We the People not expect something in return? How often are we butt-hurt when we don’t receive at least a ‘good boy, good girl’ for our efforts, how many times during a day do we get pissed off like Cain does and, while not killing our brother, rival, friend, enemy, how often do we set fire to the relationship that stands in our way of being #1?
This way of being plays out throughout the Bible, except with Isaac and Ishmael! There is no sibling rivalry, in fact, as I read the Biblical account of Issac, it seems as if he is coming home from visiting Ishmael when he first sees Rebecca! I wonder if the spiritual nature of Isaac, the meditative, thoughtful, serving without expectation of a reward that was Isaac is the difference between their relationship and Jacob’s with Esau-where Jacob is the shit-disturber, the one seeking ‘favored status’. This dynamic of seeking to be the favorite of the people, the favorite of God is ongoing throughout the Bible and We the People still haven’t learned how to live the wisdom from Avot!
It is playing out in our political realm, ignore the machinations of Trump because no matter what Vance and Rubio do-there is no loyalty, no commitment from anyone who needs to be ‘the favorite’, ‘number 1’ in the eyes of parents, teachers, groups of friends, employees, politicians, etc. Loyalty is at the core of what Antigonus is saying above, I am discovering as I write this. When any of we the people in our small-minded, ego-centered, soul bankruptcy seek to “be like a servant who serve their master expecting a reward”, we have no loyalty to any principle except “getting mine”. However, when We the People are “like a servant who serve their master without any expectation of a reward”, We not only are loyal to something/someone, We are being loyal to God, to principles, to values, to truth, to love, to kindness! Rather than be relationship arsonists, We become relationship builders, rather than being ‘out for number 1’ We are seeking to serve a greater good, rise above our small self and grow into the “Self our soul wants us to be” as Thomas Merton teaches. This is the challenge of Antigonus, the challenge of the Bible, the challenge of every spiritual discipline! And it is a challenge that is ignored by most people. While many of we the people claim to be doing God’s bidding, like Mike Johnson, the god they serve is an idol, is a self-serving one, is worse than the ones in Greek and Roman mythology because at least Zeus, et al told us they were out for themselves while Johnson and his like-minded racists, haters, anti-semites claim to be serving Jesus-who was not White most likely!!
I also sought “favorite status” in my youth and it was only in recovery that I came to realize and decide this was a fool’s errand. When people were seeking to be my favorite, I put a picture of my daughter Heather on my door with the caption: MY ONLY FAVORITE CHILD! Everyone laughed and got the message. My ‘favorite’ people are the ones who live by the principles of Truth, Love, Justice, Mercy, Kindness, Compassion and help me live into and up to these principles as well. I work hard to not fall into the traps of relationship arsonists and not be one as well. It is difficult because when I see someone who, in my experience, is full of shit- I want to warn another(s) and some people interpret this as me being a relationship arsonist. Yet not do this violates the commandment from the Holiness Code: Lev.19:17 “You shall surely rebuke your neighbor and not bear guilt because of her/him”. This is the challenge I face every day-speaking truth, guarding people and self, serving God just because it is the right thing to do. It AIN’T EASY!
ACTION STEPS:
Make a list of the ways and areas of life you continue to seek to “be the favorite”
Write down each day for a week, how you were a relationship arsonist this day
Write down each day for a week, how you were a relationship builder this day
Make a daily list of the things you did to get a reward
Make a daily list of the things you did just because it was right to do
GOD BLESS, STOP GHOSTING GOD, GHOSTING SELF, Rabbi Mark