Ghosting God, Ghosting Self
Day139
“Today is the day Adonai has made, l will rejoice in it”! Writing these words every day reminds me to be grateful, to be in touch with the reality of living, the potentiality of this day, the ability to look back, look forward and make this day a day of reconciliation of past errors and goodness with how to make today and tomorrow a better day. I have been dreaming a lot, or at least knowing I am dreaming, which is a change for me. I do not remember the exact details of these dreams and they are causing some inner turmoil, some past stuff I haven’t resolved. Remembering and immersing myself in the words above force me to work on the resolution of my inner turmoil and move forward with passion and purpose.
Knowing what is going on in the world today, the cruelty seems so familiar and yet, surprising. Being in recovery, finding a path of freedom through the spirituality of Judaism and AA, has brought me to know that We the People are better than our worst actions, gifts me with living in radical amazement and the bewilderment of how so many of we the people choose to live in resentment, anger, cruelty, prejudices, etc. While cruelty has been with us forever, think of Cain and Abel, the Bible is replete with stories of everyday people who perform the heroic acts of loving the stranger, of knowing how important freedom is, actively pursue justice, seek out opportunities to be righteous and kind, know that none of us are THE ONE rather, we are all servants with intuitive minds that can lead us to join together to make this world better, that hear the Call from Sinai each and every day.
I am struck with the truth that cruelty has a greater gravitational pull that kindness and this is antithetical to the Work of God as the Bible teaches us, as Jesus preached. The Jewish people began a way of living that was a maladjustment to the societal norm of the times. King David wrote the Psalms, won the wars, was a bad father and a sex addict, whose greatest love was not Bathsheba, was not his children, rather his greatest love affair was with God. His story teaches us that We the People can and must rise above our pettiness and pride, envy and enmity, to connect with the Ineffable One, with the spiritual source of the universe, to turn chaos into creation, to know that darkness does come before the dawn as the opening words of Genesis teach us.
We the People do not have to succumb to the autocracy of Hitler, Stalin, Putin, Xi, Kim Jung Un, Trump, Netanyahu, et al. We the People are better than this! It is time for us to STAND UP and say NO to the liars and idolators, NO to the oligarchs and haters, NO to the grifters and xenophobic lunatics. It is time for us to STAND UP and say YES to truth, YES to the call of the prophets, YES to kindness, YES to loving the stranger, YES to caring for the poor and the needy, the widow and orphan, etc. I am overwhelmed right now with the kindness that so many people showed my mother and my family after my father died, there was a man who was a member of the Temple we belonged to and when I asked him to give me a quote for new flooring, Sanford Mintz, charged my mother 10% below cost and did the installation for free-this was his way of caring for the widow and the orphan. Even the mafiosos who ‘took me under their wing’ did so to help me and my family make ends meet. Caring and kindness comes from the most unexpected places some times and denied by the expected places many times.
I am thinking about the errors I made as a kid, the lies I told just to get the heat off, because I was afraid and still suffer from this fear to this day. It is the fear that kept me hiding, it is the fear that keeps me from doing something on my own, it is the fear that keeps me from telling some people exactly how I feel about their actions, it is the fear that has stopped me from finding a new platform. It is the fear of being laughed at, the fear of looking stupid, the fear that no one will show up for the party I throw. I am not even having a party for my 75th Birthday because who would show up? This cruelty towards myself has been internalized and I am realizing how this fear/cruelty permeates my living AND I rejoice in knowing this now, I rejoice in seeking a solution to transform this fear from in front of me to put it at my back and sail forward. This is the power of “this is the day Adonai has made and I will rejoice in it”!!
ACTION STEP:
What do you need to say YES to and NO to
How are you going to rejoice in knowing what stops you and transform the fear/cruelty into something good
God Bless, Stop Ghosting God, Ghosting Self, Rabbi Mark