Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Year 4 Day 214
“All we can do is to try to wring our hearts clean in contrition. Contrition begins with a feeling of shame at our being incapable of disentanglement from the self. To be contrite at our failures is holier than to be complacent in our perfection.” (God in Search of Man pg. 403)
“Contrition” is defined as “remorseful” and comes from the Latin meaning to “wear down”. Rabbi Heschel’s use of the word shame is not the toxin shame nor is it to ‘shame anyone’. It is an inner experience of “how could I do this”, “what was I thinking”, “I am so sorry for this action”, and other inner dialogues like this. These inner dialogues “wear down” the power of the false self, the false ego, the rational mind to deny our wrongdoings, blame another for what we have done, and/or be willfully blind to our actions. This “wear down” is the path to contrition and to change. It is the pathway to disentangle ourselves from the false self we have been living. It is the 3rd step in our journey towards repair, change and hope.
On this 2nd day of Elul, it is important for We the People to see what is happening around us, within us and the truth of the ways we are living. “To wring our hearts clean in contrition” takes great courage and a little/a lot of help. We begin with our inventory-looking at the past year from 10,000 feet above, letting go of our need to justify, instead, see where we were just, merciful, truthful, loving and kind and where we were not. Doing this without being judgmental, without needing to be right and good nor wrong and bad is crucial to our being able to “wring our hearts clean”. Once we have done this, we look at where we “missed the mark” and were not just, kind, truthful, loving, merciful to see who was harmed and how they were harmed, making a list we will tackle later. We also look at where we acted in these ways to see who was helped and how they were helped, making a list we will go through later. Having both lists, we begin “to wring our hearts clean in contrition” by going through the list of whom we have harmed and how they were harmed-those people and actions we have not already made our amends with/for- and sending letters, making phone calls, going to the graves to restore the dignity we stole from the human being we harmed by treating them as an object for our gain and not as a fellow divine soul. This action can only happen when we have engaged in the process to “wear down” our rational, justifying mind and our false sense of self/false ego. Once this has happened, we know we are in the state of contrition and we can move forward in the process of having “our hearts clean”. It is imperative for us to go back to our list of where we “hit the mark” to recognize how we can grow these ways of being and to see the whole picture of our living this past year(s). Engaging in this ‘work’, We the People can make better and clearer choices in the future because the same situations will arise again and again and, as Rabbi Heschel taught us yesterday-our job is to “rise again and again beyond the level of self”. We the People are being given another opportunity, a second chance to make the next right choice, no matter what choices we have made in the past. “To wring our hearts clean in contrition” is what gives us the opportunity to not be ruled by the past, to change the neural pathways of guilt, toxic shame, not knowing what to do next, the ‘fuck-its’, etc. Hence the importance of “contrition in our lives is immense.
We the People are being called to, once again, let go of the falseness of “perfection”, to stop being ruled and toxically shamed by society’s lie that ‘we can be perfect’ and the more insidious ‘you should be perfect’. Rather than lie to ourselves and one another about ‘aren’t I so smart’, ‘I got over on him/them’, ‘I am a stable genius’, ‘I can do anything I want’ ‘my grift is legal’, and other such bullshit, isn’t now the time for We the People to begin to live “in contrition”? Isn’t it past time for We the People to admit our failures, to end our incessant justifications so we can repair the damage We the People have wrought by electing a narcissistic autocrat, a no-account grifter, to the highest office in the land, bringing the worst of the worst of human behaviorists with him, proclaiming their fealty to Christ while doing everything Christ and the Prophets of Israel screamed against? We the People have to engage in the “wear down” of our justifying bad behaviors, We the People have to grow our ability to see the damage and the bridges we have created, being responsible for both, repairing the damage so we build more and newer bridges for our innate holiness to shine through, to win the day over our false egos, false sense of self. For many of We the People fear of admitting we were wrong to ourselves and to another is so hard for fear of being vulnerable and having our vulnerabilities used against us. Yet, truth, justice, love, kindness and mercy will help us take the blows, if they come and the knowing of doing the right thing will prevail.
I know how important contrition is to the health, welfare and growth of my authentic self. I am so aware of how I make the same errors over and over, it is only when I “wring my heart clean in contrition” that I can change. I see this clearly in my bridge game-when I make a mistake, I am able to know it immediately and, hopefully, I will not do it again and when I do, I will learn a little more about me and the game. The same is true for all my “missing the marks”, I use them to learn and grow. I know that my vulnerabilities are being used against me by another(s) and, what I am engaging in is me not using them against me! As I go through this month and do my inventory, I know I have made the amends I needed to and I am searching for those places where my false ego, my rational mind is still tricking me. This is an ongoing task, it is a never-ending journey that continues to bring me closer and closer with the whole me, the holy me! God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark