Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Year 4 Day 207
“There is great merit in knowing our subtle hypocrisies, in our having no absolute faith in our faith, in our sense of shame and contrition. The sting of shame is the only pain the ego cannot bear and the only blow that may cause its forces to shrink and to retreat, and contrition is the saving heart of our soul. Remorse stands higher than sacrifice.” (God in Search of Man pg.400)
In the sentence bolded above lies the great issue of our time and of all time. “The sting of shame is the only pain the ego cannot bear” is absolutely true. Our issue, the issue for all of human history, is “the sting of shame” usually results in anger, resentment and a ‘need’ to “get even”, hence the “I am your retribution” phrase that Trump spouted was so universally applauded by his sycophants, his loyalists and the rest of the unaware people who believed him! Unfortunately, in a society where people refuse to reflect on their everyday actions, refuse to believe they can be wrong, absolutely believe with complete faith and reasoning (no matter how skewed it may be), only they are right, only they can save the rest of us, there is no place for self-reflection nor for a cultural reflection. There is only space for absolutism, for either/or, binary thinking. Binary thinking is my way or your way, or as is popular, my way or the highway if I am in power. This is the antithesis to being able to have “the sting of shames the only pain the ego cannot bear and the only blow that may cause its forces to shrink…” And this is the way of humanity forever!
Adam blamed Eve, Cain denied everything regarding Abel, Noah got drunk, Abraham listened to the wrong voice, Jacob was a conman, a liar, and one who could not truly form attachments of the soul, Joseph and Judah grew into being human because of their experiences. The Israelites/slaves who were part of the exodus from Egypt kept screwing it up and blaming Moses, whomever. Samuel blames the people for not putting his grifting sons in charge after his death, Saul is beset by jealousy and fear, David is plagued by his sex addiction, Solomon by his ‘holier than thou’ attitude, etc. We see what happens when “the sting of shame” is put upon our President and his band of thieves - they sue the people speaking the Truth, they try to lock them up while extolling the people who attacked the Capitol and Police officers on Jan. 6th!! We are so upside down many of We the People wonder if we will ever be right-side up and right sized again.
Look at what Trump has done to Ukraine-they are the victims of Russian aggression and Trump, like a good Comrade, is blaming the victim-just as he blames the victims of hate and sexual abuse who come here illegally to save themselves, just as he blames the victims of Jeffery Epstein for making it uncomfortable to be a sexual abuser, like he is! His response: LASHING OUT, making it all about himself, blaming and persecuting the victims, using the military in ways that only autocrats do. What is the response from the Congress and the Courts=CRICKETS. These ‘fine christian folk’ don’t believe in “contrition”, they don’t believe that their “ego..forces (need) to shrink and retreat”. Only everyone who isn’t with them, only those who are ‘agin’ them need to be in “contrition” and need their “ego..forces to shrink and retreat” because everything they do is “Beautiful”, it is “right”, it is “their retribution”! Just ask anyone who cannot look at themselves and they will tell you-“ain’t my fault”!
What are We the People to do? Make our ego’s, our desires, our way of being right-sized! Our thoughts and our actions need to be monitored and guided into the ways of decency, truth, justice, mercy, love, compassion because, as we can see throughout history, these values, these traits are in very short supply at times and the autocrats, the monsters, the evil move in and make many of We the People believe their bullshit because of their “silver tongues”. That clergy of all faiths and disciplines endorse their lies and idolatry is the stuff the prophets railed against and, because We the People don’t read and immerse ourselves in the Bible, we let those LYING IDOLATROUS clergy tell us what it says, is criminal! Rather than learn ‘what to learn’ in religious school and in secular school, we should be teaching our children HOW to learn, how to discern truth from lies, fact from fiction, how to train our inner life to not continue to feed us lies and to stop hiding from our flaws, our imperfections. Understanding that our imperfections are what make us unique, knowing our infinite value and worth, realizing every human being has something to add to the world and our job is to find what only we, as an individual, can add and help the next person find and add their unique gift. This means no more ‘I am the best’, I am the ONLY ONE WHO CAN SAVE YOU, bullshit, no more buying the lies and deceptions of another nor the ones you tell yourself. This only happens when We the People allow “the sting of shame” to force our “ego” to shrink and retreat”, when we realize “contrition is the saving feature of our soul” and we live into our contrition so we can change our ways and change the world.
I have been living in contrition for 38+ years. It is hard, I fight it at times, I have fallen and still fall prey to my deceptions and lies during these years and “the sting of shame” does bring me back to self-reflection, accountability, and TShuvah. I am saddened by the people who are unable to allow “shame” to bring them back to center, to make them whole and human again. I am blessed that it doesn’t take as much of a sting to wake me up anymore and I realize that the people who have resisted making their amends are so weak in their way of living that they cannot acknowledge “the sting of shame” nor can they allow their “ego” to “retreat”. I am so grateful I learned this lesson early on and keep learning it what I forget:) God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark