Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Day 310
“To the sense of indebtedness, the meaning of existence lies in reciprocity. In receiving a pleasure, we must return a prayer; in attaining a success, we radiate compassion.” (Who is Man pg. 118)
Pirke Avot, “Ethics of the Sages” a tractate of the Talmud, offers a teaching by Ben Zoma, “Who is Rich? One who is happy with his portion”. Another way of saying this could be: Who is rich? One who wants what one has. This comes to mind after immersing myself in the opening phrase above. (I am using my/I in this blog as a universal individual) What is my portion/what I have? It is my soul, it is my uniqueness, it is my ability to join community and it is my ability to be part of a covenant with God. My portion is what I add to this world to make it a little better than when I found it. My portion is what I bring to the different tables I sit at, home, work, school, faith community, friendships, prayer and meditation. My portion is my offering to God, to another; living and being happy with what I bring, with who I am is my repaying the indebtedness I feel.
Wanting what I have is not the same as settling. I am not settling by being happy I am not just “accepting my lot in life”, exactly. I am, in a sense “accepting my lot in life” by being engaged in my spiritual sense, my inner life and bringing my unique talent to the world, unafraid of what someone else thinks, undeterred by the scorn of another, unwilling to bend to the whims of the conventional notions and mental cliched winds that are blowing in this moment. I am not “accepting my lot in life” from the standpoint of being someone’s slave, someone’s source of amusement, from being a mindless robot going along with the majority to do evil-the evil being immersing my self in lies, deceit, mendacity and other such soul killing activities.
I am not ‘done’ because I am happy with my portion, because I want what I have-rather I am only getting started! Wanting what I have/being happy with my portion is the ultimate sign of satisfaction, connection to God/Higher Power/Universe and faith. It is our commitment to being in reciprocity with the world, with God, with family, with humanity. I am giving back to the world, to God, to humanity my contribution to move our state of being a little higher than it was prior to my birth/creation. I am “going back and forth” with life to repay my indebtedness, I am giving what I have in this moment and am unafraid to make mistakes and own up to them. I am giving to God, what is God’s-my abilities-giving to another what is theirs-my loyalty, love and truth-giving to my self what I owe me-kindness, compassion and self-love.
As we continue to march towards Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we are being called to do our Chesbon HaNefesh, our accounting of our soul. Reviewing our year(s) from our sense of indebtedness and reciprocity can only give us more clarity as to who we are, what we are and how to “rejoice in our portion” more each day. Being happy with what we have means I am more than 51% immersed in being authentically me, I am more than 51% immersed in serving something greater than my false pride and ego-I am more than 51% immersed in serving my soul, the soul of the Universe, the souls of the people I encounter and the souls of people I will never meet. We do this by living our lives out loud, by not hiding who we are and by offering our gifts to the world and to another human being. We do this by being an advocate for our own soul and for the soul of another(s) through connection, caring for the stranger, poor and needy of our soul and the souls of everyone else. We do this by letting go of our need to be liked and engaging in our need to serve, to add, to repay. In this sense, repayment of our indebtedness is actually adding to our corner of the world and serving something more than our puffed up ego. Our sense of indebtedness allows us the beauty of living in the reality and spirituality of our imperfections and acceptance of “missing the mark” as a part of living well.
In recovery, we continue to repay our debt by serving another, serving God, serving community. We are grateful for our ability to serve, we are grateful for our ability to care for another human being’s spirit and life, we are amazed at what we actually have to contribute and we no longer wish we “had what she/he has”, rather we want the serenity and grace we see in someone who is “happy in their portion” and lives their portion out loud.
I rejoice in what I have each and every day. I am elated to be able to reciprocate to God what God has given me, I rejoice in my awareness of what God gives me, and I am overjoyed for the success of people and humbled by what they give to the world and to me. I have been an advocate for the soul for over 30 years now, I have experienced derision and scorn, being used and abused for my foibles and strengths, being ‘outsmarted’ and thrown away/dismissed as I didn’t even merit a conversation. When I erred in 2020 and offered T’Shuvah, I was told that someone else’s opinion was the only truth and what I had to say, recount did not matter and was not considered true. Told this by people who stand for the ‘liberal’ agenda, for justice, was laughable and I realize it was God telling me to repay my debt in another arena, to reciprocate in a different locale, to move forward and feel compassionate pity, for those who need to live false lives. I repay my debt by not harboring anger and resentment, rather by rejoicing in what I have right now. God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark