Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Day 191
“Indebtedness is given with our very being. It is not derived from conceptions; it lives in us as an awareness before it is conceptualized or clarified in content. It means having a task, being called.” (Who Is Man pg. 108)
Yesterday I spoke about the exhausting nature of this awareness for people who are unable/unwilling to accept the awareness, have had this awareness ‘beaten’ out of them by life experiences and another person. Today, I want to speak about the exhilarating aspect of this awareness. Upon realization of one’s indebtedness, we are able to understand our discontent, our need to ‘make something happen’, need to prove to ourselves that our soul’s call is real, the niggling of incompleteness comes to show us that perfection is never achieved and our job is to hear the call, fulfill the task to the best of our ability and not be stopped by other people’s prejudices, other people’s desire to control and our own need to ‘fit in’.
Becoming aware of our indebtedness is a personal experience, I believe. While we can and must have group consciousness, we must have a Torah, Constitution, Spiritual Principles that guide us and remind us of our debt, true awareness is an individual experience. Just as spirituality cannot be plagiarized, taken from someone else, exploit another to practice the exact same way and have the exact same experience as you, so too awareness of our indebtedness is a unique experience for each person. My indebtedness is different from yours, what I owe no one else ever has nor ever will. My debt cannot be paid by anyone else either nor can yours. This is another exhilarating experience for us all. Awareness of our unique indebtedness gives each of us the opportunity to pay our debt, know that our call is a singular one to and for just us and cannot be compared to anyone else’s fulfillment nor can we compare our way to anyone else’s. There is no competition to be won because our ‘race’ is a singular one; between me and the universe.
Becoming aware of our indebtedness and letting go of competition and comparison gives us the chance to thrive and grow into our full selves, not a caricature of our self that impresses or offends another, no more needing to prove our self ‘the best’. No more worrying about the “optics” of our living, no more needing ‘political correctness’ for show, no more racism, anti-semitism, hatred, even conquering and dividing become unnecessary. Our awareness of our uniqueness, our leaving behind the societal norm of comparing and competing, our realization that in fulfilling one’s unique call and task there is a need to rely on another(s) doing the same with their unique task and call because we cannot do it all, we are not expected to do everything and we learn to collaborate, share and relate to one another as people, we see each other as partners instead of rivals, and we create the community that the Torah and every other spiritual text/discipline envisions. How exciting and exhilarating is this!
Yet, with all of this exhilaration, all of this spiritual excitement, so many people are more comfortable living in ‘optics’, living a life that looks good on the outside and their inner life is one of misery. There are so many people who still feel the need to destroy the call and the task of another just to feel good about themselves, even those who have created something themselves seem to enjoy crushing the task of another because of comparison and competition. How sad! And we have to feel sad for these people, such unfortunates, because of how stuck in their self they are, being unaware of their indebtedness and/or being ashamed of their awareness of their indebtedness. We who are aware have to have pathos, Divine compassionate pity, for them and no longer fear nor have disdain for them; rather pray for them and put them out of our daily life-even if we have to see them. A difficult task and doable with our exhilarating awareness of our unique indebtedness, call and task.
In recovery, we engage in this awareness, listen to and for the call and work to fulfill our task each and every day. We do a daily check-in and see what we have done well and what we need to repair from the day before and we engage in spreading more kindness than hatred, more collaboration than competition and more cooperation than comparison.
I am exhilarated by my indebtedness. I have always felt this ‘owing’ nagging at me and, for years, I tried to escape it through alcohol, money, criminality, etc. Finally, 35.5 years ago, I could no longer run from it, I have to turn and face it. Over these years, the lessons of my father have returned to comfort me, guide me, and, sometimes, harm me. I say harm me, because I inherited his sense of loyalty and morality and when it is offended to be reactive. However, his comfort and guidance has enhanced my understanding of my indebtedness, he taught me before I could understand because he knew his time was short, about being aware and hearing the call and the task. He taught me to care for the stranger and the needy, he taught me to see everyone as equally human and in need of kindness and not a threat. Reflecting on these lessons and putting them into action in these past 35+ years is exhilarating because it connects me to my immediate past and to all of humanity. To the people who need(ed) to crush my call, my awareness I say how sorry I feel for you, it is truly sad you are so stuck and need to crush me to feel good about you. Stay safe and God Bless, Rabbi Mark