Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Day 186
“The world is such that in its face one senses owingness rather than ownership. The world is such that in sensing its presence one must be responsive as well as responsible. (Who is Man pg.108)
Responsive and responsible seem like two peas in a pod so I am wondering about Rabbi Heschel’s phrasing: “one must be responsive as well as responsible. I am thinking about how they can be separate and I am understanding his message a little clearer. We can be responsible for oneself and not responsive to the needs of another. We can think we are being responsible to our family, friends, employers by showing up, doing our best and moving on, yet we may not be responsive to the moment in front of us. This seems to be a great challenge for many people; being both responsible and responsive. We hear, often, why it is ‘not my fault’ or as I used to say to Pauline Ledeen, z”l, when she visited me in County Jail; “you don’t understand, Pauline, I don’t need any help, they will realize who I am and their mistake and I will be set free”. We often blame another person without even thinking about it, it is almost an automatic response, even children do this-pointing one finger away from themselves while having three pointed towards themselves without realizing it.
We hear the two political parties blame the other party for all of the ills that are affecting our country at any given time with no claim of responsibility on their part. We have heard our former President blame everyone else for his loss in the last election, we have watched him take no responsibility for what happened during the Covid-19 Crisis while he was in the White House and has continued to influence people to this day, and he is being considered a candidate in 2024!
Communities blame their leaders and the ‘people in charge’ for whatever is going wrong. Sports teams fire the managers/coaches and/or front office staff rather than be responsible for their part in whatever is going awry. We are seeing a resurgence of blame, shame and irresponsibility in our society today, look at Putin blaming Ukraine for his invasion, look at the ways we want to have some moral superiority/moral high-ground over another person so we are unable to admit our part in whatever went wrong and, in some circumstances, unable to own our part in whatever went right! There are people who are afraid to admit being responsible for success because they are afraid doing this makes them targets for another to blame when it isn’t perfect!
Yet, even when we are being responsible, we may not be responsive. When a parent is working a lot to meet their financial obligations, to pay for private school for their kids, to pay for tutors, etc, they are being responsible parents and people applaud them. Yet, they are not necessarily being responsive to the immediate needs, emotional, moral and spiritual, of these same children. I have heard often from parents who cannot understand how their children are not grateful for all they did for them and cannot hear the cry of their kids’ souls, hear the cry of their kids’ hearts, hear the cry of their kids’ words. They have decided the script, they have decided what is best for their children (really what is best for themselves) and they have decided what looks good and right is what is important. Their children, meanwhile, are crying for some real human connection, for some responsiveness to their concerns, some dialogue about what is important to them-not what looks good for their parents-and they get nothing in return except guilt and shaming.
We have a lot of entitled people in our world, in our country and in our communities-Rabbi Heschel’s words are speaking to those who believe their being ‘responsible adults/kids’ allows them certain privileges and rights above and beyond another person. He is reminding, cajoling, disturbing us to understand that being responsible is only a part, albeit at least 50%part, of the equation-being responsive to the moment and the call, demand, expectation, urgency and mitzvah waiting to be enacted is just as important. In fact, I hear Rabbi Heschel teaching us that without responsiveness we cannot repay the debt, we cannot be engaged in the Mitzvah that the Ineffable One has put in our path. Being responsive entails being aware of what is going on in us, around us and outside of our circle. It is a statement that we are people of the world who are connected to more than our selfish concerns, we are connected to the concerns of the Ineffable One and responsive to the needs of the Divine, the animal and the human beings in our midst.
In recovery, we live one moment at a time. Without being present in this moment, it is too easy to fall back into old habits and old patterns. We are recovering our integrity, our humanness, our souls that we ‘sold’ for a few trinkets, a few feel good moments, a few recognitions, a few plaques, a few…
I have been responsible and not responsive at times in all of my relationships and I am so sorry. Writing this has made me take stock, do T’Shuvah of the moments I have been too busy being responsible, ‘taking care of me’ to be responsive to the moment I am in! I apologize to Heather, Harriet, Neal, Sheri, in-laws, nieces and nephews, friends and family for my lack of responsiveness and commit to improving in this area. God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark