Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Day 166
“What is the truth of being human? The lack of pretension, the acknowledgement of opaqueness, shortsightedness, inadequacy. But truth also demands rising, striving for the goal is both with within and beyond us. The truth of being human is gratitude; its secret is appreciation.” (Who is Man pg 114)
This last paragraph of Rabbi Heschel’s writing on embarrassment is so important for us to lean/live into. We all hide some part of ourselves out of shame, fear of being ostracized, our negative judgements of ourselves and fear of being seen. Yet, Rabbi Heschel is saying we have to acknowledge that we do this, we have to acknowledge our fear of being found inadequate, etc. It is part and parcel of being human, I hear Rabbi Heschel teaching us, as Rabbi Twerski also taught, that unlike all other animals, we are born incomplete and our life-long task is to complete ourselves and grow into the fullness of what a human being can be.
Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Many humans stunt their own growth out of fear: fear of not having enough, fear of lack of control, fear of being seen naked and inadequate, fear of not being accepted, fear of … So we resort to putting on pretenses, hiding ourselves/being opaque to hide our fears from another and even from ourselves. I was asked once, “if you live a false self long enough, doesn’t it become your authentic self?” This is how subtle pretension, opaqueness shows itself-the person was so afraid to be seen and they wanted to believe their pretenses, they wanted to be applauded for their opaqueness/hiding! This is not the case as I understand Rabbi Heschel’s wisdom. Yes, in some moments this person could face their authentic self, they could speak around it to me and, out of fear, out of shame, they had to retreat to their hiding place.
The antidote to this way of being is also true for all humans. Striving and rising to our higher self, to meet God’s/Universe’s demands and calling. In each of us is that still small voice; call it God, call it intuition, what is important to acknowledge it. It calls to us all the time and we drown it out with our fears and our desires, we imprison this voice/relegate it to the back of our consciousness so we don’t have to act on it’s instructions, it’s calling to us. And, it nags at us at the most inopportune moments, when we have been shortsighted, when our inadequacies overtake us, this voice calls to us to get real, get truthful, see ourselves for who we are and use our inadequacies to grow and/or ask for help, acknowledge our shortsightedness and go the proper ‘eye’ doctor. The “goal that is both within and beyond us” I believe, is growth, is openness, is aid and service, is kindness and compassion for oneself and another self, is connection and covenantal relationships, truth and love. We can only achieve these goals through authenticity, growth, a new pair of glasses, and, of course, radical amazement-seeing the world fresh and new, seeing our self fresh and new each and every day.
Gratitude and appreciation are the mainstays of this way of living. Being grateful that we can and need to be embarrassed by our actions, the actions of those around us and the actions of our country and the actions of people across the globe. Embarrassment is the precursor of change, as I understand this subchapter of Rabbi Heschel’s book. When we experience embarrassment, if we are to let go of the conventional notion of the word, we are aware of our inadequacies and our opaqueness, we are aware of our misdeeds and our false premises upon which we have built a life. Rabbi Heschel is teaching us to be thankful for uncovering a truth about our self, to be pleased at seeing our true self without filters. He is calling to us to realize the immense worth of our self and the high price we pay when we hide from ourselves and everyone else. Realizing the price of being human, being authentic, is mere pittance in comparison to the price we pay for hiding, lying, living in fear of being found out, etc.
In recovery, peeling the layers of the onion one membrane at a time is our work and we engage in it with gusto, with fear, with hope and with dread. Sometimes we retrace our steps in order to put one of the membranes back on-ie hide some of the ugliness we have uncovered. Continuing the journey of recovery means we have to face the ugliness and repair it and accept that it may be our shortsightedness that calls it ugly and their is a purpose for these warts that has yet to be revealed.
I live a really open life, what you see is what you get. I am bombastic and concerned, I am rough around the edges and totally devoted to being an advocate of the soul of another human being. I am a father and a brother, a husband and a friend, I am a lover of people and, at times, a hater of a few. I am worried about being irrelevant and fear being looked down upon. I am an outlier and want to be on the inside to effect change. I am an exile and a communal leader. I am…. Grateful and appreciative of being embarrassed 2+ years ago, being exiled at the same time. I hide my emotions at times and they leak out in a myriad of ways. Every morning I thank God for restoring me to life and I appreciate the opportunity to be one grain of sand better today than yesterday. I am more afraid of hiding than being seen for the most part and I am using my embarrassment to become more aware, to hear the call of my soul clearer and rise and strive to meet the goals within me and beyond me. Stay safe and God Bless, Rabbi Mark