Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Day 160
“We are better than our assertions, more intricate, more profound than our theories maintain. Our thinking is behind the times.”(Who is Man pg 114)
Rabbi Heschel’s words above are ringing in my soul, in my mind and in my ears. I want to argue that our assertions are better than who we really are, and yet, I know this statement to be true. Assert comes from the Latin meaning “to join/to affirm”. We are better than some of the groups we join, the ideas we affirm and the actions that we take and defend. We are better than our worst ideas, our self-centeredness, our taking advantage of the vulnerabilities of another person/group, our prejudices, our need to be right, our ‘win at all costs’ attitude, our ‘zero-sum’ war we engage in daily, etc. As human beings, created with the ability to think, reason, empathize, understand, we do not have to continue to sink to the lowest common denominator of racism, prejudice, enslavement of another, etc. We do not have to bow down to anyone, we do not have to stay imprisoned by our negative thoughts and we are not defined by our worst behaviors! As a society, we can and must end our reign of terror on one another through innuendo, negative research, business and political espionage, support of a dictator because he/she is an enemy of our enemy, allow people to buy their way into helpful legislation (aka lobbyists) and out of criminal prosecution (ala Sackler Family). We need to rise above these mendacious affirmations that ‘in a free society’ all is fair in love and war-making the way we relate to one another a function of war???
It is time for us as individuals to also end out affirming the worst aspects of our character. In my work over the years, I found not using drugs and alcohol were the simplest actions of recovery, the more difficult part of recovery is changing the inner dialogue and thoughts that have taken hold for so long-much longer than the substance that brought people into treatment. I also found the same is true for families of addicts and, for almost everyone I have encountered in the past 35 years! We all suffer from believing the lies we tell ourselves, we all suffer from our own self-deceptive nature, we all are powerless before an enlarged and unchecked Yetzer HaRa (evil inclination). We join in the negative thinking and speech that another(s) have spoken to us since childhood, we believe these lies and they lead us to affirm our lack of worth-which we try and overcome through overachievement or not engaging to no avail. We affirm the worst aspects of ourselves and of others because it doesn’t require us to rise to the occasion. We join with others in gossip, in trying to win at any and all costs, in bribing admission counselors for our kids to go to the ‘right’ schools, steal intellectual property and attack computer networks so we can know the thoughts of another and use it against them. We are so stuck in our lower selves, in our reptilian brain waves of survival, we are not able to thrive, we are not able to join the winning side-humanity and humane behaviors! This beginning phrase is so positive and I pray Rabbi Heschel is correct!
We are better than our assertions, our affirmations, the groups we join. We can live this by saying no to the delicious pleasure of gossip and stand up for the one being gossiped about. If there is a warning to be given so someone else doesn’t suffer the same harms as you - we must give them. We live this by not settling for the wrong action just ‘because everyone else does’ as my father, z”l, used to say-“if they jump off the bridge are you going to jump too?” We live better than our assertions by changing the inner dialogue we have-no longer buying into our negative self-talk; reminding ourselves of the good, the truth and the fact that we are created in and with goodness, kindness, love, justice, compassion, caring and truth. We do this through a daily practice of seeing the good we do and the good we are able to do, the service we are engaged in and how we can continue and grow our service as well as ask for help from another. We can overcome our baser desires, our lower assertions and replace them with the truth-we can be human and we are human.
In recovery, we have to let go of old ideas and patterns. As I noted above, the substance is much easier to let go of than the old ideas. We surrender, we allow ourselves to be confronted and defeated by a higher truth as the path of changing our old thoughts. We take stock of ourselves daily to see where/when we are falling back into old patterns and make the necessary adjustments as soon as we can. In recovery, we admit that we are better than our assertions, our old ways and we continue to grow our inner lives and join with groups that are engaged in the same.
As I have written this, I realize how I have not lived it as much as I want to. I realize that my lower assertions about myself have kept me from doing more and living better. I realize that I have joined with people who were not interested in lifting me up, they wanted to help me stay mired in the lower assertions about me and others that I was in. I have not always given people the benefit of the doubt as we learn in Pirke Avot and I have given myself permission to be stuck. I also know that writing this blog every day is a way of living better than my assertions about myself and people. I know that I have lived in Radical Amazement more and more each day and I continue to believe in change and forgiveness-seeking both for myself and giving forgiveness and belief to another. I affirm today to continue to live better than my mind/negative inclinations lead me to believe I can! Stay safe and God Bless, Rabbi Mark