Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Year 2 Day 24
“Repentance is a decision made in truthfulness, remorse, and responsibility. If, to be sure—as is often the case among us—instead of deliberate decision we have a coerced conversion; instead of a conscious truthfulness, a self-conscious conformity; instead of remorse over the lost past, a longing for it; then this so-called return is but a retreat, a phase.”(Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity)
As we head into the ‘home stretch’ of our celebration and our repentance holiday of Sukkot, the wisdom above is chilling, enlightening, and worthy of being heeded today as it was back in 1936. I am continuing to use his words from 1936 not only because we ‘have’ until Hoshana Rabbah to clean up our past, according to the Rabbis, also because T’Shuvah is a daily gift, a daily obligation, a daily reprieve from our continuous leaning towards “self-conscious conformity” that helps us attain a euphoric recall of the past and a desire to retreat back to the ‘old ways of doing things’. Rabbi Heschel is calling all of us to make a conscious decision to repair the damage we have caused, to long for a return to community and authentic self, and to be deliberate in our actions instead of conniving. OY!
After watching the Jan 6th Committee hearings yesterday, the dangers of a “self-conscious conformity” are clear as day and ring in our ears like a bell sounding the Tsunami alarm. Our elected officials and our civil servants must heed the warnings and the lessons from this stain on our history if it is to not be repeated again. Our desire for power, our need to be right, our looking back to the “good old days” with longing and determination will lead us to ruin, lead us to slavery, lead us to destruction. The hearings have made this clear, history has made this clear, yet people are still afraid and unwilling to make a deliberate decision to turn to a “conscious truthfulness”. We hear the excuses for Trump and his cabal, we hear the words of hatred and lies from the Marjorie Taylor Greene’s, we hear the promises of gridlock, intimidation, and bullying from Kevin McCarthy, we hear the warnings of Moscow Mitch and the finger pointing to Trump himself, while his RINO’s (all Republicans who still engage with him like Kevin McCarthy, et al) and his enablers (all the people who made excuses and helped him be the way he is because they were getting what they wanted like Moscow Mitch McConnell).
What we are not hearing, of course, is the truthfulness from all of everyone’s part in making it possible for a Jan. 6th to happen. What we are not hearing is the responsibility of each of us to reach out and find ways to talk to one another rather than engage in mudslinging and senseless hatred. What we are not hearing is how we allowed ourselves to be coerced into doing the next wrong thing, how we allowed ourselves to turn a skewed vision of the ‘glory days of America’s past’ into a longing to go back to racism, anti-semitism, white supremacy, absolute power. How we allowed ourselves to buy into conformity while proclaiming making everyone heel to the way of the powerful, everyone dance to the tune of the charlatan idolators is not being spoken.
This is God’s call to us all, no matter our religion, our spiritual discipline, our political affiliations, the call to meet our self in truthfulness is crucial to our survival as free people. This call to hold ourselves responsible rather than just point fingers is critical to our spiritual health. This call to stop conforming for gain and taking the next right action for our soul’s sake, for the sake of our neighbors, friends, strangers among us, for the sake of strengthening our connection to God/Higher Consciousness is the key to our growth and our partnership with the Ineffable One. We can only begin to answer these calls when we engage in T’Shuvah with truthfulness, remorse, and responsibility. More on this solution on Sunday!
In recovery, we are acutely aware of our desire to engage in euphoric recall and self-deception. We are so convincing in our lies because we actually believe them, especially in the ones that we believe hide the truth from someone else and, eventually, our selves. In our recovery we know that a ‘white lie’ can start the avalanche of a return to the ‘big lie’ of self-pity, entitlement, self-deception, anger, resentment, validation of these and so many more. Each day we ask ourselves what is the rest of the story, each day we wait for the second thought so we have choice rather than being driven by ‘only one way’.
I still have remorse for my actions that have harmed people. I have remorse for my unwillingness to adopt fully my father’s (of blessed memory) teachings as a teen-ager and young adult. I have remorse for abandoning Heather by going to jail and prison. I have remorse for my actions that caused an earthquake at Beit T’Shuvah. I am truthful about them, I am responsible for my part in all of the experiences of my life, both the the not-so-positive and the positive. Each day, through writing, through reflection, through seeing the present, the past, and the future through different prisms, I am able to get clearer and clearer on what I am responsible for and what I am not. Each day, through these actions and more, I continue to confront truth, I continue to confront life, I continue to fight for and be an advocate for my soul, your soul, and Emet/Truth. God Bless and Stay safe, Rabbi Mark