Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Day 95
“God is unwilling to be alone, and man cannot forever remain impervious to what He longs to show. Those of us who cannot keep their striving back find themselves at times within the sight of the unseen and become aglow with its rays. Some of us blush, others wear a mask. Faith is a blush in the presence of God.” (Man is Not Alone pg. 91)
Continuing to look at the last sentence above, we realize how often we “people of faith” are unfaithful as Rabbi Heschel is describing being faithful above. Immersing oneself in these words leads to one to the very core of the problem of faith and the reason so many people are turning away from faith. The leaders of faith organizations are not being faithful to God, to another human being to their core reason for being alive. They are too busy hiding, wearing the masks of perfection, the mask of authority, the mask of mendacity, the mask of fear, the mask of bigotry, the mask of Pharaoh. 3300+ years after being redeemed from slavery by God and Moses, our faith leadership and their flock, have put on the mask of Pharaoh, to rule people in the most ungodly manner. Fear and punishment, ie eternal damnation, is not God’s way. God’s way is truth, transparency, love, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, etc. We do not see this in many of today’s faith leaders, they are autocratic, absolutely sure they are ‘right’ and act imperially and become authoritarians. Instead of blaming the ills of the world on “those” people, for our faith leadership to truly “blush in the presence of God”, they would do their own inner work, their own T’Shuvah and help the rest of us do the same.
Authenticity and transparency are not values that are rewarded in today’s world, nor in any world, when it comes to standing “in front of” and/or “with” God. Authenticity is not acting out our inner negativity, I believe. Authenticity, as I’m understanding and using the word is when we act from our higher consciousness, our spirit, our concern for another as well as concern for our self. One cannot be a hater, a bigot, a deceiver, a cheat, a con, a liar and a gangster and be authentic! One can only live authentically when they live in ways that are congruent with making their corner of the world a little better each day, when they see themselves as different and unique and see everyone else as different and unique so we can all respect, need and rejoice in the ways we all make this tapestry called our world, a rich, vibrant, truthful, loving experience. These are some of the ways we are able to “blush in the presence of God” by living authentically. Transparency is taking off the masks so someone else and God can see us without the bluster, the costume and the carnival paint we put on each day. Living transparently occurs when we are more afraid of hiding than we are of being seen, by another and by God. The world we live in does not reward this type of transparency, not in our schools, not in many homes, not in the workplace, not even in many houses of worship. Look at how the Prophets were treated! When we tell you who we are, when we act in the ways we act and, as long as it serving those in power, it is good and, when they get a little scared of optics and lawsuits, you are thrown away/sacrificed, these great faithful leaders, parents, employers are telling us that we love you as long as you act in the manner we want you to and that manner has nothing to do with your soul, spirit, gift-it has to do with our wants and desires in the moment. Rather than rewarding one’s “blush in the presence of God”, most people become afraid of it, overwhelmed by it, hide from it, and ignore/remove the messenger of God for their transparency and authenticity and their indictment of those ‘good faith leaders, good political leaders, good parents’ et al.
In recovery, a “blush in the presence of God” is our daily goal. We are constantly seeking to “improve our conscious contact with God…” and seek to reach our higher consciousness and live better each and every day. We know we have to live our lives out loud, we have suffered the pain of and the pain caused by our hiding and our mendacious ways of living prior to our recovery. In fact, we are recovering our integrity, our authentic self a little more each day in recovery.
I have fought this battle to “blush in the presence of God” every day for the past 35+ years. I fight with my false ego who wants to ‘look good’ as opposed to my soul who wants to do good, who wants to join in partnership with God to propel me and those around me to new heights of living. I win the war each day in that at least 51% of me is transparent and authentic in my living each day and some days it is just barely 51%! I strive each day to raise the percentage and most days I live at 85+% authentic and transparent. Some of the masks I wear are for my own good as well as the good of another, ie, I wear the mask of confidence that I will not die today so I can never be hopeless-of course I know I will die, I just deny it will be today and I am better able to be of service, to be “seen by the unseen” and seen by those around me. I also know that there are people who have used my authenticity and transparency against me, those who have decided I am too much of a liability, and a few, who I thought truly got me, who deserted me in my times of most need. I have not hidden the pain that the first two groups brought me nor the “Et tu Brute” moment of the later group. I have no resentments, no anger, just sadness and this is a new mark of authenticity and transparency for me-usually I would just go to the mask of anger to hide the sadness. I have decided that to be “seen by the unseen”, allow another(s) to see me “blush in the presence of God” is more authentic, more transparent and more healing. God Bless and stay safe, Rabbi Mark