Daily Prophets
Day 81
“A poem by King Hezekiah of Judah when he recovered from the illness he had suffered… “My God, it is hard for me, be my rescuer. I live and breath, You have restored me to health and revived me. It was for my own good that I had such great bitterness:… because you have sent my errors behind me.”(Isaiah 38:9,14,16,17).
These verses come from Hezekiah after Isaiah told him to “set his affairs in order” he prayed to God, wept for his errors and was granted more life. Hezekiah is reminding us that getting well is a gift, not to be taken for granted. When we pray for healing for ourselves and another(s), we also have to be grateful to God when healing happens, hence the “Gomale” prayer we recite after an illness. While it is not only a heavenly decree that keeps us alive and heals us, I know that God imbues our doctors, nurses, aides, etc with skill, kindness, grace and wisdom to ensure that all possible measures are done to heal us. I also know that the more healing spirit we believe in, grow, and take from others, the better our odds at healing becomes. Whether it is to the medical staff, the caretakers around us, God, family, friends, it is important to thank them.
Hezekiah is also reminding us to call out for help when we need it. If the King of Judah was able to surrender his puffed up parts of himself, his ego, to ask for help to heal, then we can also. He calls out to God: “it is hard for me”, these words should be resonating within all of us.When that happens, according to this chapter of Isaiah, we know to call out to God for help for rescuing as our people have for over 4000 years.
In Hezekiah’s case, he is restored to health. He doesn’t take it for granted by saying how his life style made it so, his doctors’ made it so, rather, he credits God for restoring him to health and reviving him. Reviving him is the key for me in this sentence; physical health is only a part of healing, the other part is spiritual health. Hezekiah’s use of the term healing connotes spiritual health to me. This is such an important part of healing, I believe my father survived 6 of his 7 heart attacks because of his spiritual healing and his spiritual connection. I know my brother, Stuart, lived much longer with his type of MS than expected because of his spiritual healing, and connection. There are studies that show spiritual connection (faith) helps in the healing process.
Lastly, Hezekiah states an unpleasant truth; sometimes we suffer because we are unable to own our errors, our missing the marks, our ‘sins’. In the final verse above, Hezekiah realizes that the bitterness he felt was reminiscent of the bitterness he gave to other people in his ‘wrong-doing’. He realizes that what he went through is the bitterness having to go through him to leave him, just as he has to mend his erroneous ways. Having the bitterness go through him, cleanse him and leave him allows him to know that his errors, missing the marks, ‘sins’ have been forgiven, are in the past and don’t have to inform his present and future. He is grateful beyond words for this.
Rabbi Heschel does not comment on these verses in The Prophets. However, in recovery, we know these verses all too well. We have suffered from a spiritual malady as well as a physical, emotional and intellectual malady. What is so interesting about addiction and, I believe, all life-threatening diseases is that the physical, emotional and intellectual parts of the disease can be dealt with and there is not a complete healing without the spiritual component. In recovery relapse happens because of neglect of our spiritual program, usually. It happens when people stop being grateful to God for their revival, for their healing and allow themselves to buy into the deception by others and their own self-deception. Each day for those of us in recovery, we are grateful to God for another day in recovery, we improve our spiritual connection and condition ‘one grain of sand’ more each day and we continue to keep our ego’s in check and make amends for our errors the previous day.
I have had to go through the bitterness that Isaiah speaks about more than once in my recovery. I have to go through it to discern the causes of conflict, pain, hurt and separation that has taken place between me and another(s). I know when I am experiencing bitterness, I have to look inside first. I go through this bitterness to make amends for things I haven’t already and cry out to God to revive me, heal me. I have found in this past 14 months that the hurt, anger, pain and sadness for being told I am no longer wanted someplace has lingered and taken this long to leave me. I realize now (hindsight is 20/20) I had taken responsibility for my part of the issue and my honesty, my truth was being used to absolve the people on the other side of the issue. When I can blame someone else; I don’t have to look at me. The bitterness that was in me was the need for them to own their part and they can’t. This is sad and, my pain, hurt and sadness turned to anger which increased the bitterness. I am grateful that God has removed the bitterness and the anger this Passover. I pray for those who are still stuck in their self-deception and I know God is “near to us” all we have to do is call out. What are the ways you improve your spiritual condition daily? Stay safe and God Bless, Rabbi Mark