Daily Life Lessons from Rabbi Heschel
Day 22
“Man reaches a new vertical dimension, the dimension of the holy, when he grows beyond his self-interests, when that which is of interest to others becomes vital to him, and it is only in this dimension, in the understanding of its perennial validity, that the concern for other human beings and the devotion to ideals may reach the degree of self-denial.”(Man is Not Alone pg.139).
Rabbi Heschel’s words are shivering through me at this moment. I realize this vertical dimension, this dimension of the holy, to be the dimension from which all addiction, depression, anxiety, and other physical ailments are relieved and healed. It is precisely this dimension that also causes depression, anxiety and addiction as well as other psychosomatic illness’, etc.
In our search for this vertical dimension, for the dimension of the holy we become frustrated when we are not able to reach it, when we have lost our way and when we become self-obsessed. Yet, even in these experiences, there is a call we hear, an unsettling in our souls, a dull ache in our hearts that is calling us to this vertical dimension and our frustration in not reaching it causes depression, anxiety, addiction, inability to heal illness and wounds.
What is it about self-interests that is so powerful they override the call of our souls, the call of the Ineffable One, the call of those in need? It is an overwhelming sense that we will be fools if we grow beyond our self-interests. It is an overwhelming sense of ‘not getting ours’ that have if we grow beyond our self-interests. It is an overwhelming fear that we will be hurt again and again if we grow beyond our self-interests. We hear the first line of Rabbi Hillel’s teaching: “If I am not for myself who will be for me” and we forget the second line: “If I am only for myself what am I?”
We are continually bombarded and, over the millennia, have learned that ‘no one else cares, some say even God doesn’t care, it is a dog eat dog world, no one will help me, etc.’ Yet, in the Torah, the first 5 books of the Bible, we are told 36 times to care for the stranger, the poor, the widow and the orphan; we are reminded to redeem each other and to return lost objects to their owner, to care for the animals of our enemies and to not murder, steal, lie, etc. We have the technology to go beyond our self-interests, it is our willingness that seems to be lacking. An interpretation of the first sentence of Rabbi Hillel’s teaching was taught to me by Rabbi Jonathan Omer-man: “If I not for myself, God will with me.” What a difference this would make if used this interpretation! The clergy and “religious” people who are preaching only one way to God, only one way to be saved, only one way to vote, only one way to live, and to do this you have to go beyond your self-interests and serve mine! This is the way all charlatans and authoritarians work, they seem to be serving the self-interests of their followers, all the while using mendacity and their followers desire to be deceived to serve only their own interests. No where in their scenario are they trying to serve God, to reach the vertical dimension of the holy. When anyone will deny a person their humanity because of an action, their sexual orientation, judging them by their worst actions and not their best actions, their lack of status, their lack of wealth, their lack of power; they are not serving God, they are not living a faithful life and they are going against the Bible which is a roadmap to giving power to the powerless and voices to the voiceless as well as hearing aids to those too deaf to hear the call of the vertical, the holy and sight to those who are too blind to see the path upward.
In recovery this is the goal to keep rising to this vertical dimension, to recognize the holy within ourselves, within another(s) and in the world itself. We are constantly searching for ways and opportunities to go beyond our self-interests because we know where our self-interests lead us-depression, anxiety, addiction, harmful actions towards another(s), towards ourselves, physical ailments, etc. In recovery, we are recovering our own unique path to the holy dimension and we are grateful to be able to serve another human being.
I have experienced this vertical dimension and been able to live here as well. Not all the time, yet much of my recovery has been based in this dimension. I am thinking of the ways I have made the interests of another(s) vital to me and what it has gotten me. I am realizing that living in this vertical dimension is a double-edged sword. Reaching this vertical holy dimension opens me/us up to being taken advantage of, the exact experience many people are so afraid of they don’t go on this vertical journey, as I mentioned earlier. When being taken advantage of, when my/our humanity, vulnerabilities, and frailties are denied, laughed at, and used against us, we often suffer a depressive and anxious episode. I have reacted poorly at times with loud outbursts, my experience is that I will vanish if I don’t stand for myself, living the usual interpretation of Rabbi Hillel’s teaching, not the one I learned from Reb Jonathan! At the same time, when I am reactive, when I go into my protective shell only-I am lost, I hear my soul, God, another(s) human being, my family calling me up to the holy dimension and I am able to ascend back home, because the vertical dimension is the home we all belong to and in. It is where we meet God through going beyond our self-interests. More on this tomorrow. God Bless and Stay safe, Rabbi Mark