“In the beginning God created Heaven and Earth, the Earth being chaotic and empty”.
These two verses that being the Torah/Bible point to the rest of the story of Torah, Bible, Judaism, Religions and life. All beginnings emanate from God/Higher Power/Higher Consciousness/etc. All beginnings have within them higher purpose, utilitarian purpose and the possibility of being exploited for one person/one group’s gain. In immersing myself in these words of Torah, I am overcome with excitement, fear and trembling awe as well as Radical Amazement.
When do I notice new beginnings in my own life? This is coming to remind me and teach me to realize that each day is a new beginning and I get to choose which parts of me, Divine or Earthly, are in charge and most useful in this moment and accept that both my Divine and Earthly attributes are needed and can work together. This realization has kept me fresh for the past 32 years and now, it is reminding me to cultivate new beginnings and not be afraid of what was before and will never be again. I am realizing that much of my time lately has been in looking backward and trying to recapture something that just isn’t anymore. I am knowing that I have to protect myself against all enemies “inner and outer,” knowing that some people will protect themselves at my expense if they have to - not for sport as enemies will- for their own survival some people will ‘throw me under the bus’ - “Rabbi, it is just business” they say to themselves and me. I get it. Yet, if I let that permeate my today- then I am not beginning anew, I am stuck in old/yesterday. This year, this beginning has to start now. Each morning as I recite the Modeh Ani prayer, I will commit to a new beginning this day!
The second verse, “the Earth being Chaotic and empty” is so reassuring to me. The Chaos and emptiness that I and many others feel right now, in the midst of this Pandemic, is also part of beginnings. I/we keep forgetting that every beginning is difficult. Every beginning comes from the pain, chaos and emptiness of what was before it. Whether it is the creation stories as told here in the Bible, other creation stories from other traditions, the big bang theory, etc. all beginnings have pain, chaos and emptiness at their core. Nowhere in the Bible/Torah are we told that the Chaos and emptiness go away!! Our challenge is to live with the chaos and emptiness so that we can use them to enhance the new beginning, rather than sideline us from making a new beginning! According to Rashi, as we learned on Simchat Torah from Rabbi Igael Gurin Malous, ToHu also means astonishment. What a wonderful way of seeing chaos, unformedness, it is astonishing, not just empty. What is most astonishing to me is that God fills the chaos/unformed with nature, nurture, and all of us.
I would suggest that all true rebellions, rebellions toward something Divine and Earthly rather than just against something already established, rise out of the chaos and emptiness that is happening prior to these true rebellions. I believe in using the chaos and emptiness to enhance living rather than allow them to bring me down to a place of despair and paralyzing fear. This year, I commit to using Chaos and emptiness to enhance my living by helping me stay fresh, aware and anew.
“It is not good for Adam to be alone”.
This phrase that God speaks is the antithesis to the ideal of the “rugged American”, the “self-sufficient human”, etc. I am struck by how true it is and how much we all try to deny this truth. Again, as Rabbi Heschel says, “self-deception is a major disease”. I keep seeing myself in this phrase and wonder how I have deceived myself in this regard. I spent a long time looking for someone(s) to be with. In fact I gave up parts of me, values I held/hold to be with another(s) and I, once again, realize that it was all for naught. The first separation I/we experience is separation from God, our souls are part of the creative life-force in the universe. Acknowledging our need for connection doesn’t have to make us codependent and/or weak. Rather, it comes to help us strengthen our spiritual corpus colosseum. We are able to be in truth about our needs and desires as well as know that we can’t do it all and we are a part of the world and not the entire world.
So many people roam the world alone out of fear of being weak, being needy, being seen as lamb. In today’s climate, caring for the stranger, poor, orphan and widow is for suckers- ask Donald J Trump and his minions. Being connected means that life is no longer a zero-sum game, it is no longer a blame game, it is a way of being that enhances my soul and yours. It is a way of being that honors the dignity of everyone and everything. It is our way of connecting to God through connecting to others. We are not created to be alone, so lets connect more through love, laughter, study and zoom (for now anyway).
“Sin (negativity) couches at your door and it desires you much, you can be a master/leader of it.”
These words spoken to Cain are so relevant at this moment. All of us ‘give in’ to the sin/negativity that couches at our doors- the doors of our homes, the doors of our hearts, the doors of our soul, the doors of our relationships. It is hard to not be taken in by the desire that it has for us. We see this in our Political arena, in our communities, in our synagogues and institutions. We see this in our families and friendships. I/we am forgetful of the last part of the verse: “you can be a master/leader of it” at times. What Torah is saying to me, this year, is that I can use the power of the negativity/sin to do something good and great. I can use the power of all negativity to turn away from the desire and turn towards the desire to do good. I/we can use this power to stop being a victim and own my place in the world, community, family, etc. I/we can use this power to turn to God and to being one grain of sand better today than yesterday. We/I can use this power to stop hating and engaging in ‘zero-sum living’ and turn to both/and living, win-win, and finding ways to disagree with dignity. Cain, of course, could not do this, he had to kill his brother, Abel. We/I don’t have to follow his example, rather we can learn from it and turn to using our power to heal, help and care.
Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Mark